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The Individually Optimal Diet: Piss Everyone Off

My last post on fruit consumption pissed some people off. Good.

My previous posts from way back on including potatoes in your plan pissed some people off. Good.

A previous post that mentioned using rice as a hypoalergenic source of starch in the diet pissed some people off. Good.

I piss off vegetarians and vegans all the time. Good.

Diets are like blogging. If you’re not pissing anyone off, then you’re not doing anything interesting or challenging. As I said in a previous post, “Everyone wants to write a diet book that sells a million copies; nobody wants to write a million diet books.”

The point is, virtually all diet books seek to prescribe a narrow range of choices. It’s kinda baked into the cake, if you think about it. After all, the purpose of a “diet book” is to prescribe a certain methodology that typically involves food group choices and macronutrient (protein, fat, carb) ratios. A book that simply says something like “eat a variety of whole, real foods,” isn’t a diet book at all. It’s a manifesto. It’s principles. It is to be applied to a path of your own making, not a path for you to follow.

With respect to the last post, on fruit, there may be a misunderstanding by some. I’m not advocating massive consumption of fruit. A couple of my comments.

When the facts change, I change my mind. Given its enormous variety and abundance in the tropics worldwide, it would be highly unlikely that we didn’t eat it for a very long time, and we’ve only been out of Africa for 50ky. Add to that the fact that fruit, unlike vegetables and tubers in general, evolved to attract animals and be eaten.

Of course, that doesn’t mean anyone has to eat it, any more than they have to eat liver or oysters, but it does suggest that it fits well as a reasonable part of a diet if you enjoy it and if it works for you.

I also do like to emphasize the enjoy part. Seems that gets overlooked a lot in the increasingly dogmatic reenactment of paleo.

Todd replied with:

The problem is that the facts haven’t changed. With all due respect, perhaps we have a different conception of evidence, as you seem to be inserting what I call conjecture in it’s place. Nothing in Minger’s piece proves a thing about fruit consumption in the paleolithic, no matter how “likely” you believe it might have been based on how you believe fruit evolved or any other theory. As for leveling the “reenactment” epithet at me, nothing could be more off the mark. Indeed, it’s rather curious that you should level it after giving me a speech about how “likely” it would have been that something was eaten 50,000 years ago (without evidence) in order justify eating it within a paleo framework; i.e. the entire purpose of this thread. Heck, you went one step further and justifed “heavy consumption” based on the present existence of certain fruits which you allege haven’t changed in 50,000 years, again without evidence. I’m not arguing for reenactment, but merely strict empiricism. That a few sweet fruit hang from trees in jungles today doesn’t tell us A) anything about paleolithic eating patterns or B) whether the consumption of such fruit are a good idea.

Me:

Your whole line of reasoning applies equally to animal sources, seafood sources, levels of fat consumption and on and on.

That’s why I take the approach that makes the most sense, which is, the closer you get to the equator the more likely it is that more fruit was consumed rather than less and the farther away you get, the more likely that more animals and seafood were consumed rather than less.

There is simply no more justification in making fruit a special category — and particularly so for the hundreds of wild, non selectively-bred fruits — when it has clearly been in abundance for millions of years. I’m not advocating for heavy consumption, just simply that’s it’s just as likely many in our lineage did, as it is that many consumed heavy amounts from animals.

It’s all food and its all real food. And everybody is still in the same place of having to work out what works best for them, and also that overall food enjoyment is an important part of that whole quest.

Yes, you’re still on your own, and what can you do? Well, since Paleoman means: mass migration to populate the entire Earth; and since that implies in itself massively varied food availability — from equator to arctic circle — you have a couple of choices. One, you can strive to determine the best food choices for you and also to determine your ideal macronutrient ratios. Alternatively, you can just mix it up and vary it so much that you don’t fit into any dietary plan, not even “paleo” as prescribed.

The latter is my choice.

So without further delay, let me construct a Sample Meal Plan for a week, designed to piss off.

Monday

Breakfast is eggs cooked in butter, with bacon and fruit; Lunch is a salad with grilled chicken or salmon; Dinner is a big steak and potato. (pisses off: low fatters, low carbers, vegetarians, egg white eaters and some paleos)

Tuesday

Skip breakfast; Lunch is the biggest steak you can find, nothing else; Dinner is a hunk of meat and a salad. (pisses off: dietitians, nutritionists, vegetarians, some paleos)

Wednesday

Nothing; fast day. (pisses off: dietitians, nutritionists, the USDA, the farmers who grow your hearthealthywholegrains, and just about everyone)
 

Thursday

Breakfast is a huge amount of fruit, like two cantaloup or honey dew, or a big watermelon; Lunch is nothing; Dinner is a big helping of steamed white rice along with a meat, fish or fowl choice.  (pisses off: see above)

Friday

Breakfast is meat. Lunch is meat. Dinner is meat; a zero carb day.  (pisses off: Catholics, high carbers, – vegetarians and vegans contemplate suicide)

Saturday

Breakfast is eggs with meat and fried potatoes; Lunch is fish with vegetables; Dinner is raw fish, raw oysters and any additional seafood you like. (pisses off: Catholics for being a day late, low fatters, low carbers, vegetarians, some Paleos)

Sunday 

Breakfast is two Bloody Mary’s chased with steak, eggs, potatoes and toast of choice; Lunch is a gin or vodka martini chased with pasta of choice; have a slice of pizza as an afternoon snack; Dinner is 1/3 to 1/2 bottle of single malt scotch and the biggest piece of rare prime rib you can find within 100 miles. (pisses off: Everyone)

~~~

Of course, that’s largely tongue in cheek. Not a real diet plan. That’s the point. Just eat real food, eat it often and exclusively — except now and then — enjoy your life, and create opportunities to socialize and share food with others.

Get good sleep, give your lover a decent fucking, and laugh at anyone and everyone who wants to prescribe a life for you, especially as concerns politics and its whores.

Done with dogma? Me too. That’s why I shared and tweeted it and you can too. Buttons up top.

Richard Nikoley

I'm Richard Nikoley. Free The Animal began in 2003 and as of 2021, contains 5,000 posts. I blog what I wish...from health, diet, and food to travel and lifestyle; to politics, social antagonism, expat-living location and time independent—while you sleep—income. I celebrate the audacity and hubris to live by your own exclusive authority and take your own chances. Read More

145 Comments

  1. Blair Norwood on June 2, 2011 at 17:17

    Love the diet plan, all kinds of real food, eaten whenever. Personnally I couldn’t do the toast, pasta and pizza on Sunday, not due to dogma, but becuase grains give me eczema. But thats what its all about, finding the plan that works for you in particular and to hell with everyone else.

  2. Darrin on June 2, 2011 at 19:48

    Man, this is why I keep reading this blog! In a world where everyone believes they are right and everyone who disagrees is wrong, it’s so refreshing to hear from someone who is both passionate and open-minded.

    My personal motto is “90% is perfect, 75% is good enough.” No matter what paradigm I’m following (diet-related or otherwise), I always try to make sure I have a noncompliance rate of 10%-25%. This keeps me from turning into a fascist while still giving me practically all the benefits that I would have gotten had I burned up all my willpower slavishly following “the rules.”

    • constance on June 4, 2011 at 18:35

      wow-I’m going to adopt this philosophy as I have a tendency to turn into a nazi especially around food politics. Very wise.

    • William in DC on June 15, 2011 at 09:24

      Darrin, what a fucking fantastic philosophy and mindset that personal philosophy is. Amazing, and I’m going to share it with many.

    • jim noel on June 17, 2011 at 11:32

      ftw ,

      “90% is perfect, 75% is good enough”

      best comment of ’11.

      keep coming back,

      I’ve been eating “good enough” for two years. I’m 64 and have dropped 22 lbs of fat.

      I’m lean and cut without much excercise and my blood pressure dropped from 160/100 down

      to125/85. no more meds, sleep better, more creative, doing more art, higher energy level and better overall attitude.

      and Richard, my mom told me since I was 13 that I was a natural born cynic. So I really appreciate

      the take no prisoners attitude. Joke’em if they can’t take a fuck!

      keep it up,

      jim noel

  3. atc on June 3, 2011 at 05:33

    “Of course, that’s largely tongue in cheek. Not a real diet plan. That’s the point. Just eat real food, eat it often and exclusively — except now and then — enjoy your life, and create opportunities to socialize and share food with others.”

    Spot on. East clean, eat varied, don’t eat too much.

    “Alternatively, you can just mix it up and vary it so much that you don’t fit into any dietary plan, not even “Paleo” as prescribed.

    The latter is my choice.”

    Mine too. It’s called common sense.

    • rob on June 3, 2011 at 06:28

      I think there’s a lot to be said for just picking one thing and eating it over and over for an extended period of time. Variation is one of those common sense things like “everything in moderation.”

      • Tom on June 3, 2011 at 08:25

        rob said:
        “I think there’s a lot to be said for just picking one thing and eating it over and over for an extended period of time.”

        I believe this to be a key in weight loss. Whether you pick meat/water, Subway, 30 ‘nanas or potatoes it may come down to repetition in the diet rather than micronutrients. Not saying it’s a particularly healthy approach but becoming ‘bored’ with food has always worked for me—for awhile.



  4. Skyler Tanner on June 2, 2011 at 16:36

    I’ve had weeks that resemble that. Every measure you’d like to consider is superb, but dogma won’t let some believe that.

    Fruit is the devil and all equatorial peoples are lucky to be alive.

  5. Donal on June 2, 2011 at 16:37

    Good post. Finally someone to rise above the ego driven” i have to answer to all problems with my diet”.
    It has become religious like in parts.

  6. Duane Stevens on June 2, 2011 at 16:38

    Best dietary guidelines I have ever read… especially since it can all be boiled down to the following sentence:

    “Just eat real food, eat it often and exclusively — except now and then — enjoy your life…”

    • Shamra on June 4, 2011 at 21:21

      “Enjoy your life.” Now that is one great piece of advice that needs to be shared more often!

  7. Sean on June 2, 2011 at 16:43

    That’s just fucking brilliant. But haters gonna hate. But you forgot about any fermented foods and their advocates, no hatin’ for them?

    • Richard Nikoley on June 2, 2011 at 17:38

      Y’know, Sean, I could have tried to meticulously include everything — and don’t forget the paleos who have to tweet they ate an avocado. There’s too many targets. What was important was getting the point across and I hope I achieved that.

      • Rhonda on June 2, 2011 at 17:44

        What’s “wrong” with avocadoes?



      • Richard Nikoley on June 2, 2011 at 17:53

        Rhonda, nothing in the world. I just am amused at the infatuation some paleos seem to ascribe to them. That’s all. I love ’em too.



      • David Csonka on June 2, 2011 at 18:29

        I just ate two avocados, I’m extra special.



      • Robin on June 2, 2011 at 22:31

        Hey, I only tweet when I wrap my avacado in bacon.



      • Skinny Lesley on June 3, 2011 at 09:54

        …or, to paraphrase Hunter S. Thompson in his coverage of the “Palm Beach lifestyle” in the Pulitzer trial: Avocados don’t hire lawyers.



      • Curmujeon on July 26, 2011 at 15:54

        Nothing’s wrong with avocados. What’s annoying is that the Paleos have to tweet about it when they eat one!



      • Sean on June 2, 2011 at 17:46

        Truth. . .



      • Josh on June 3, 2011 at 09:12

        I hate avocados, they are fruit. Burn in paleo-hell traitor!!! 😉



  8. Melissa on June 2, 2011 at 16:46

    Can we hang on a Sunday? Thank you for pissing everyone off including Catholics.

    • Jan on June 2, 2011 at 18:29

      I’d have been pissed if he hadn’t pissed off the Catholics.

      • Warren on June 2, 2011 at 20:40

        Don’t see why it would piss off the Catholics, though. I’m Catholic and I think the whole thing looks fucking great. Sign me up. 🙂



      • Alex Good on June 3, 2011 at 17:25

        Friday is no meat day. Oh crap I forgot and pigged out on bacon. But still, why would it piss me off that I’ll have such good company in hell?



      • BobT on June 4, 2011 at 04:57

        There’s no real food in hell. No meat at all. Everything comes in a box. You’d better repent.



      • Alex Good on June 4, 2011 at 07:50

        What about the bats, demonic horses and serpents? Those sound pretty meaty to me.
        But they’re probably fed a steady diet of vegans, so I guess that wouldn’t be too healthy. Oh well.



  9. Stabby on June 2, 2011 at 16:47

    Needs way more booze and blow. The puritans aren’t nearly pissed off enough.

    • Alex Good on June 3, 2011 at 17:26

      Puritans are EVIL.

      • constance on June 4, 2011 at 18:28

        Hey–don’t piss-off the Paleo Puritans



  10. ulfr on June 2, 2011 at 16:51

    Yeah, thanks Richard…you even pissed me off! People need to think for themselves. This gives them more to think about.

  11. Eric Lepine on June 2, 2011 at 16:52

    Just awesome Richard, simply awesome… “the closer you get to the equator the more likely it is that more fruit was consumed rather than less and the farther away you get, the more likely that more animals and seafood were consumed rather than less.”

    This is where it’s at!!!! One could also argue that the farther away you move from the Ice Age and “relatively recent” immigration to more Northern lattitudes, the more likely it is that the diet revolved less around animals, especially very fatty ruminants. Again, to reiterate a point I’ve also made countless times, none of these foods have or had bar codes and that, in my humble opinion, is the only element/fact that remains significant… Looking more at the similarities in diets instead of differences appears to be a much more useful approach.

    • Alex Good on June 3, 2011 at 17:28

      Since the ice age was cold, one would thinkthere would’ve been more fat on the animals. Just sayin’.

  12. Michael on June 2, 2011 at 16:56

    Richard,

    I have enjoyed watching your evolution diet-wise over the last couple of years. Much fun. One of my favorite economists often starts his writing by saying something along the lines of “alright, I’m about to piss of ____ and ____ and _____ so prepare yourself.” And as usual it is always an enjoyable read.

    My two favorite days on your menu:

    Wednesday

    Nothing; fast day. (pisses off: dietitians, nutritionists, the USDA, the farmers who grow your hearthealthywholegrains, and just about everyone)

    and

    Breakfast is two Bloody Mary’s chased with steak, eggs, potatoes and toast of choice; Lunch is a gin or vodka martini chased with pasta of choice; have a slice of pizza as an afternoon snack; Dinner is 1/3 to 1/2 bottle of single malt scotch and the biggest piece of rare prime rib you can find within 100 miles. (pisses off: Everyone)

    Now I don’t eat pasta (but on occasion I will have some spelt or farro bread), but it is just the principle of the thing 🙂 , do your thing healthwise but enjoy yourself as well. And anyone who chases his alcohol with food knows how to enjoy himself, LOL!

    One day I will introduce you to my banana pancakes. Greatest EDV (egg delivery vehicle) on the planet and quite tasty. Good with beer 😉

    • Richard Nikoley on June 2, 2011 at 17:48

      Michael. Actually, I almost never eat pasta either, that was just schtick. I did have some a couple of months ago at a great Italian resto where we have our vacation home. The owner of the place is Sarah and the dish is Sarah’s favorite. I’ll have it once a year or so for as long as we own the place.

      • Jan on June 2, 2011 at 18:30

        I was wondering about that pasta, but figured the whole “meal plan” was facetious.

        Having said that, can I have the other half of the bottle of single malt? I prefer Dalwhinnie.



      • Lute Nikoley on June 2, 2011 at 20:03

        I’ll have a Belvenie.



  13. Rhonda on June 2, 2011 at 16:56

    Bravo!!!

    I think you’d piss off the Muslims, too, with all that alcohol drinking. And if any of your meat is from el puerco, then you’ve pissed off the Jews, too.

  14. Brian Scott on June 2, 2011 at 17:03

    Breakfast is two Bloody Mary’s chased with steak, eggs, potatoes and toast of choice; Lunch is a gin or vodka martini chased with pasta of choice; have a slice of pizza as an afternoon snack

    HERETIC! BURN THE HERETIC! XD

    And man, what’ve you got against meatless Fridays? 😛 They’re excellent fast days.

    • Richard Nikoley on June 2, 2011 at 17:50

      Brian, Wednesday was meatless. 🙂

      • Brian Scott on June 3, 2011 at 10:59

        Bah, no respect for tradition.



  15. Tony on June 2, 2011 at 17:16

    You’re saying I have to think for myself? Damn.
    😉

  16. Natalie on June 2, 2011 at 17:39

    HEAR HEAR! to the ‘give your partner a decent fucking’!

    Because nothing’s going to piss society off more than the joyful and full expression of your sexual nature.

  17. Emily on June 2, 2011 at 17:55

    I’m so angry with you right now.

  18. Lou on June 2, 2011 at 17:55

    This made me laugh so hard I inadvertently spit all over the computer screen. Thanks for making my day, Richard.

  19. Karen P. on June 2, 2011 at 17:55

    Oh, come on, Richard! You didn’t piss me off once! You’re off your game. 😉

    But seriously? I thought we all ate like this. And the ones who said they didn’t were lying.

  20. Mallory on June 2, 2011 at 17:58

    best post of 2011….hands down. pretty much how i eat besides liqour of choice…i just cant get into scotch!

  21. Sandy on June 2, 2011 at 17:59

    “baked into the cake”

    Cake? Fuck you! Seriously though, of course our ancestors ate fruit. It’s why we have a taste for sweet things. Probably gorged on it when the opportunity presented itself as well, which was a good thing for them. Plenty of sunlight during times when it was ripe so not much worry about inflammation, maybe put on a few pounds to carry them into the lean months. Probably not a good idea for most people in this day and age to regularly gorge on it, especially considering that supermarkets are open year round, but by all means, live your life. Not much more sublime than tucking into a chilled slice of watermelon on a hot day.

    • Alex Thorn on June 3, 2011 at 12:31

      Or did we evolve the taste for ‘sweetness’ in relation to something other than sugar (whether from fruits or not)?
      http://perfecthealthdiet.com/?p=2842

  22. tim on June 2, 2011 at 18:27

    Awww. I almost cried when I got to the end and saw it’s not a real diet pan. Especially Sunday!

    I may eat it for a week just to irritate the people around me, though. 🙂

  23. Dave on June 2, 2011 at 18:41

    “Get good sleep, give your lover a decent fucking, and laugh at anyone and everyone who wants to prescribe a life for you, especially as concerns politics and its whores.”

    Ahhh – to put it so simply! No need to read into that statement!

  24. Michael on June 2, 2011 at 18:46

    …and laugh at anyone and everyone who wants to prescribe a life for you, especially as concerns politics and its whores.

    Can’t believe I didn’t mention this. My favorite phrase in the whole piece. 🙂

    • Eric Lepine on June 2, 2011 at 19:34

      I concur 🙂

  25. bee on June 3, 2011 at 08:55

    well, you certainly pissed me off by not eating any coconut or coconut oil. life without coconuts? poor poor richard.

    here’s who piss me off: the ones who flash studies on how “red meat is bad for youuuuu” while buying supermarket milk and chicken raised in the most abominable conditions and ply their children all day with junk ‘cos it’s “not practical” to cut down on the grain and sugar. the ones who come to my blog and chide me for extolling the virtues of saturated fat, while guzzling corn, canola and soybean oil.

    it’s “not practical” for them to find clean, humanely raised meat or dairy, though they can well afford it. it’s “not practical” to shun pizza though diabetes runs on both sides of the family. i wonder how “practical” it is to be stupid, lazy and complacent, though.

    • Richard Nikoley on June 3, 2011 at 09:05

      Actually, I use coconut oil in cooking from time to time (but do not eat it by spoonfulls as some do), and I make coconut milk curries every few weeks. Leftovers in the fridge from a couple of days ago, as well as evil white rice. 🙂

    • tess on June 3, 2011 at 14:22

      i tell you WHAT!!! 🙂

  26. elizabeth on June 2, 2011 at 19:23

    LOVE IT!!

  27. Lute Nikoley on June 2, 2011 at 19:46

    I love it, love the menu (except for; I can’t eat that much food) great post.

  28. jenny on June 2, 2011 at 19:55

    this is, hands down, the best post of the year, if not the entire neolithic.

  29. Lute Nikoley on June 2, 2011 at 20:11

    You know, a lot of paleo’s remind me of my Christian Fundamental days.

    • julianne on June 2, 2011 at 20:37

      I remind myself of my Christian Fundamental days when I get on my “paleo will solve the health problems of the world” bandwagon – which I have been know to do. Until my husband quietly points out that my rant is no longer being listened to by my audience.

      Thanks for the laugh, I love paleo diversity, and the reminder to not take things so seriously

  30. Karen DeCoster on June 2, 2011 at 20:48

    This post really pissed me off………

    I had Garlic Naan as my treat last week….how ’bout that? And I had a 3-hour coffeehouse conversation with an Indian vegetarian friend (real foodist and not a “fake vegetarian”) tonight. We agreed that black beans are tasty and bagels and scones are not “food.”

  31. 3rdchimpanzee on June 2, 2011 at 20:52

    Bravo Sir…Bravo…

  32. Primal Toad on June 2, 2011 at 21:12

    Richard…. you are AWESOME!

    When are you going to write a diet book? Or, better yet, how about a short and free pdf? I honestly believe that how you write you would…. change the world. Change how we think about life.

    I am loving your blog more and more. I have not hung out here much in the past. But, you can most definitely expect me to be chilling here a hell of a lot more often. It’s too much fun. Too much interaction to NOT be here daily.

    Thanks for all that you do. Your attitude is needed in the community.

    I think I will create a weekly plan myself.

    Including the piece of toast was classic.

    • Al on June 3, 2011 at 21:56

      “When are you going to write a diet book? Or, better yet, how about a short and free pdf?”

      You’re a confirmed idiot. Do you not pay attention… at all?

  33. Bill Strahan on June 2, 2011 at 21:33

    Oh crap, I nearly had my wife convinced to attend a week at the Free The Animal Bed & Breakfast after reviewing the week’s menu, only to find out it was just “tongue in cheek.” Oh, the disappointment. On sunday, my toast was going to be something along the lines of “To Richard, who has outdone himself. I have no doubt that men want to be you, and women want to be with you…”

  34. Tim Swart on June 2, 2011 at 21:51

    Richard,

    Great post, had me laughing all the way through!! Common sense is hilarious!! People who don’t have it don’t get it!!

    Friday was my favorite!!

    Breakfast is meat. Lunch is meat. Dinner is meat; a zero carb day. (pisses off: Catholics, high carbers, – vegetarians and vegans contemplate suicide)

    Great blog, keep up the great posts!!

    Tim

  35. Robin on June 2, 2011 at 22:32

    Awesome post. Common sense rules the day? Who woulda thunk it.

  36. Kevin Hughes on June 2, 2011 at 22:41

    I’m almost all set; I just need a toaster and a lover.

    • Patti on June 3, 2011 at 05:28

      Ha!!

    • Jenny on June 14, 2011 at 11:40

      Toasters do have two different slots to choose from. Justsayin’. Make sure it’s unplugged first.

  37. Zoebird on June 2, 2011 at 23:10

    In NZ, they make this thing called a Ginger Slice. Instead of fasting on Wednesdays, one of my coworkers and I take turns buying and sharing a ginger slice.

    It apparently upsets everyone that I eat ginger slice every week (it’s cake, basically).

  38. gallier2 on June 2, 2011 at 23:14

    You forgot to tell that on friday it was porc and beef, to piss off muslims, jews and hindus, 😉

  39. Shanta on June 3, 2011 at 00:00

    Finally! A diet my husband will enjoy – he loves pissing people off, fucking and drinking – but not necessarily in that order. (The eating plan is secondary.)

  40. Kris - Health Blog on June 3, 2011 at 00:18

    Great post.

    Diet is one thing people tend to get kind of religious about, I know I got that way when I first started the paleo diet and even though my thinking has evolved I still understand people who feel this way.

    I think people should find what works for them and what they enjoy, as long as it is based on real food, and I really feel that the paleosphere is evolving that way.

  41. George Phillips on June 3, 2011 at 00:32

    Wot no psychoactive plant materials?

    (Alcohol is just so easy these days!)

    Lots of exercise foraging down those funny little fruity and the other marshmallowy chewy things that blow your mind in an amusing way. Mind you, need to be in the security of the camp/cave so those felines don’t make hay while we roll about in right brain parallel nirvana!

    Next morning; “Right, that’s existence sorted. What’s for breakfast?”

  42. AMANDA on June 3, 2011 at 00:48

    Hehe I forever love your blog! “give your lover a decent fuck”, now that pisses me off it should be an amazing fuck! lol please keep entertaining and pissing everyone off!

    • tess on June 3, 2011 at 14:13

      yeah, she’s right. a merely decent one seems rather half-hearted.

  43. Grok on June 3, 2011 at 01:58

    I like it Dick. Especially the part about giving “a decent fucking.” Now if we can just solve the dilemma of giving a decent fucking getting in the way of a good night’s sleep 😉

    • Karen P. on June 5, 2011 at 13:50

      Afternoon delight, baby!

  44. El Gourmet Espartano on June 3, 2011 at 02:37

    Hahaha! Great post, Richard. Been reading you for a while (with quite an effort in the begining, I’m from Spain, I understand English but yours isn’t easy, I can tell…) and I have to say I like your attitude coz sometimes you piss me off, too, haha. I’ve been doing a paleolike aproach for 8 months or so doing fine and feeling better than before. I feel great with what you say because I really enjoy fruit (it’s great in Spain) and also like to enjoy “Paella” (typical Spanish dish made with rice that I’m actually quite good preparing) from time to time…
    I absolutely agree with the part “give your lover a decent fucking”. Mandatory, yep…
    Congrats and thanks!
    Y a los lectores que hablen español: ¡echadle un ojo a mi blog! http://spartangourmet.blogspot.com/ ¡Gracias!

  45. Ian M. on June 3, 2011 at 03:57

    Richard, this is awesome. I intend to implement your meal plan on Sunday. Joking aside, keep doing what you do, as your voice is a needed one among those that would make nutrition into a fundamentalist religious system.

  46. rosenfeltc on June 3, 2011 at 04:14

    Congratulations for writing a post that is basically the same thing your arch nemesis Matt Stone wrote about 6 months ago…

    • Richard Nikoley on June 3, 2011 at 07:33

      Rosenfeltc:

      That’s simply not true. Where do you see me talking about over eating to increase metabolism, obsession with body temperature, diagnosing edema over the Internet and on an on?

      I’m simply making the point that higher levels of carbohydrate from fruit and starch sources could be a good deal for some. Neither am I bashing on low carb as he does, and you’ll never see me talking about including refined sugar, among many other thngs.

      If I paid more attention to Stone, which I don’t and won’t I could probably draw many more distinctions.

      • Al on June 3, 2011 at 22:07

        Rosenfeltc,

        Not to mention that this isn’t Marvel Comics, and Matt Stone is not Richard’s “arch nemesis”.

        Are we collectively getting dumber, or is it ego getting in the way?



    • Christ on June 3, 2011 at 07:38

      ever notice that he changes his dietary views quarterly and whatever he is doing at the time is the best thing ever? WHile his followers wait for every new blog post so someone can tell them what to eat….uhg

      • Richard Nikoley on June 3, 2011 at 08:06

        Yea, that’s probably the biggest distinction of all, the nature of the comments. This is primarily a place for people to tell about how they do things differently from everyone else, with confidense in their own abilities to work it out.



  47. Fred Hahn on June 3, 2011 at 04:27

    Rich – Can I come over on Sunday?

    • Richard Nikoley on June 3, 2011 at 07:35

      It’s a long way from NYC, Fred. 🙂

  48. Primal Journal - NourishedEm | Mark's Daily Apple Health and Fitness Forum page 89 on June 3, 2011 at 05:33

    […] tomatoes… All that sugar!" I'd suggest posting Richard's latest blog URL in that thread: The Individually Optimal Diet: Piss <i>Everyone</i> Off | Free The Animal August 2010: 207 lb, 37" waist, 24% BF | Currently: 171 lb, 31" waist, ~12% BF Goal: […]

  49. Tony on June 3, 2011 at 05:34

    I felt that I had to leave the safe cocoon of Google Reader just to come and bask in the full light of this awesome post. Thanks!

  50. Peggy The Primal Parent on June 3, 2011 at 05:59

    Rock on, ass hole. If more people would only start thinking for themselves and stop giving a fuck what other people think, they would finally start raising awesome kids.

  51. Joseph on June 3, 2011 at 06:18

    If you ever do write that diet book, you could call it “The ‘Pissed’ Diet”.

    • atc on June 3, 2011 at 06:30

      No, ”cause the alcoholics might think it was for them 😉

  52. Rafael on June 3, 2011 at 06:32

    The reason behind all diet books is to make money with them, so I guess you will not make money on this. B ut it is great to see somebody speking out things like it should be. Great post man.
    By the way my blog is not pissing off anybody. MAybe that is why I am getting so poor page views. regards, Rafael
    http://optimalhealthsource.blogspot.com

    • Richard Nikoley on June 3, 2011 at 07:56

      Hi Rafael:

      Yep, lots of voices and competition out there. My approach is simply to come up with compelling ideas the others aren’t talking about and to do so in my style. This is why I’m posting less these days, not more. I’d rather have two popular posts per week than ten so-so or worse.

      I tweeted your post about this post as well as dropped the link on the FTA Facebook page. I hope that gets you some views.

      • Rafael on June 5, 2011 at 15:47

        Richard. Thanks for taking the time to read and answer. Also for the tweet.



  53. batty on June 3, 2011 at 06:41

    i love you so hard right now.

  54. Jake on June 3, 2011 at 07:14

    Phenomenal read. I love the day where you eat meat for every meal. That is epic and sounds delicious as well. I appreciate your perspective on the whole Paleo dieting scene. It is such a refreshing view!!!

  55. Meg on June 3, 2011 at 07:18

    Hi Richard,

    I’m an infrequent visitor of your blog and have been for a couple of years or so, but when I do visit I catch up on a lot of posts. SO happy to see this one greeting me today. I’ve never commented before but this post is urging me to say how I feel right now: I love you. That is all, nothing more needs to be or can be said, I think.

    Meg

    PS: also agree with you a lot about the fruit thing. I have south Indian ancestry and don’t think my ancestors ate a ton of meat like maybe northern europeans did. I’m pretty sure though that they did eat a lot of in-season, tropical fruits (mangoes, bananas), coconuts and coconut oil in large quantities, lots and lots of fish and rice (not brown though)….. maybe not until 20000 years ago but it’s highly likely they have been since then.

  56. SophieB on June 3, 2011 at 07:19

    You forgot, “pisses off RJR Nabisco, Phillip Morris, YUM and Bill Rosenberg.” Also, I know these are Neanderthals and not Homo Sapiens, but after reading Mark Bittman’s idiotic article in the NYTimes last night, I went looking for this information:

    http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2010/12/17/1016868108

    It only makes sense that bipedal hominids of the Paleolithic era ate whatever the heck was available. Seeing as how there was no f’ing 7-11 on the corner. But evidence from that era is precious, and all we can do is opine. And as they say where I come from, “opinions are like assholes and should not be displayed in public.”

  57. Chris Sturdy on June 3, 2011 at 07:29

    Now *THIS* is a meal plan I can get behind! It’s so true that we are so busy worry about the details that we forget to eat food and not stress about doing so.

  58. Christ on June 3, 2011 at 07:34

    Love it!

    Past couple of years I do low carb/high fat in the winter and high carb/low fat/minimal meat in the summer,it gets hot as fuck here and a belly full of fatty meat feels nasty.

    I’ll even add this rice noodles are better than rice for me.
    OMG I eats processed grain I surely am a sinner… lol

  59. timmah on June 3, 2011 at 08:10

    The prior post makes sense. I live in what has historically been “The Fruited Plains”. Choke cherries, crab apples, wild plums, etc.

    Most of it has been burned down to make way for monocrop agriculture, though rural ditches will often have plum thickets and mulberry bushes. Why let that go to waste?

    (There’s also evidence much of the burning was done prior to the arrival of Europeans: Native Americans noted that when a forest is burned down, the buffalo come south to feast on the tasty new grass. So why not help that along?)

  60. Bodhi on June 3, 2011 at 08:21

    I agree, pissing people off is what blogging and dieting are all about. I like to piss people off my telling them that calories do matter. Of course that is tongue-in-cheek too.

  61. Richard Nikoley on June 3, 2011 at 08:22

    Initial reaction to the post in a low carver forum pretty much what one would expect, I guess.

    http://forum.lowcarber.org/showthread.php?p=8366280

    Poster Angeline gets it, though.

    • Kevin Hughes on June 3, 2011 at 16:58

      …but then, so does costello22.

  62. Josh on June 3, 2011 at 09:19

    I keep hearing about the masses of Paleo cultists and their religion but aside from a small minority of fucktards I just don’t see it… it’s not an idea based around a moral precept like veganism but maybe I just don’t come out of from under my rock enough to see all these Paleo cultists that are supposed to be everywhere. *shrugs* No doubt they exist but it seems like a bit of a straw man argument to me.

    • Richard Nikoley on June 3, 2011 at 09:28

      I agree with you, Josh. I think the paleo paradigm for lack of a better term is pretty solid. My approach is more preventative, as things grow. As some have pointed out, it’s easiest to be dogmatic when it’s new. Fortunately, the success most people enjoy naturally leads them down a path of flexibility.

  63. Michal on June 3, 2011 at 10:53

    This whole diet as a religion thing is for retards.

    When evaluating a diet
    Do you have your own fitness/health/pleasure/etc goals? How is your diet helping or hurting those goals?

    Worrying how many people you are pissing off is for pussies.

  64. Jim Arkus on June 3, 2011 at 12:55

    Great post.. loved the line about catholics.

  65. Dave, RN on June 3, 2011 at 13:12

    Vegans committing suicide. The ultimate irony.

  66. Mike Fout on June 3, 2011 at 14:33

    Hot damn! This diet is so good, we need to get a good graphic designer to draw it up and turn it into a poster.

    I am so glad Sunday Funday was represented. Can I throw a fat cigar in there once every couple of months?

  67. Dale on June 3, 2011 at 16:03

    You should be burned in coconut oil for eating potatoes!

  68. Michael P (@PizSez) on June 3, 2011 at 16:35

    Richard, you’ve pissed me off. How dare you tell me to make my own decisions! Don’t tell me what to do!

    😉

  69. Heather on June 4, 2011 at 06:50

    Richard, you’re my hero!

    I am finding that much of the fear surrounding fruit in the paleo community is linked to a fear of fructose, because, yes, studies show that too much fructose causes problems. When you actually investigate the studies showing that high fructose consumption is bad, you find that none of them use actual whole, fresh, real fruit. Instead, they are studies about the consumption of high fructose corn syrup and refined fruit juices (Snapple, Tropicana, etc.).

    An apple-flavored Snapple and a real apple are not the same thing:

  70. Rob on June 3, 2011 at 17:06

    I’m just waiting for the post praising Froot-Loops and Wonder Bread.

    • Richard Nikoley on June 3, 2011 at 17:14

      “I’m just waiting for the post praising Froot-Loops and Wonder Bread.”

      You’re in the wrong section of the thread, Rob. The Matt Stone section is up there, somewhere.

      • Rob on June 3, 2011 at 19:08

        lol, touche’!

        I can’t help but to think though of Icarus, flying too close to the sun. Has your weight remained steady? I love fruit, but don’t have the balls to eat it with any regularity.



  71. Cheryl White on June 4, 2011 at 05:23

    Beautifully put. I don’t know why people have to make it so damn complicated. This reminds me of a post David Csonka did recently where he demystified the Paleo idea. http://goo.gl/9rjlY It’s not difficult! The Paleo perfectionists have always irked me with their food snobbery and elitist mentality. I always picture them talking with their teeth clamped together as if their mouths are as tightly clenched as their asses.

    When I first started Paleo I was SO obsessed with what was “right” because I tend to have a “do it right or don’t do it at all” mentality. I learned rather quickly, however, that with nutrition there is no ONE “right” way. There were a lot of things that modern Paleo people were proponents of that I didn’t consume (I think avocados are the nastiest things I’ve ever put in my mouth, and I’ve put some pretty nasty things in my mouth) and I used to feel a little guilty as if I didn’t measure up somehow. On top of that I ate things that would have made the “elite” look at me as if I’d just taken a dump in public. Fruit? Potatoes? The occasional bowl of corn tortilla chips? *GASP* The shock! The horror! Thankfully, the rebel in me has a “fuck you” attitude. Nobody is going to tell me I’m not Paleo because I might have a bowl of ice cream once a month. Eating an ancestral diet and enjoying my life aren’t mutually exclusive. I love to prove people wrong by having my cake and eating it too.

    Good stuff, Richard. Keep it coming.

  72. Noah on June 4, 2011 at 11:43

    Ha, awesome.
    Breakfast today was two large oranges, bunch of watermelon, liver pate, and a big glass of fatty chicken broth.

  73. kricka on June 4, 2011 at 13:12

    I normally don’t eat breakfast because I am not usually hungry in the morning, but THIS morning I woke up HUNGRY, so after three soft cooked eggs with freshly grated Parmesan, I scarfed down a chocolate glazed donut with glee!!! Thanks for you ever amusing Fuck You posts. This one made my day.

  74. AH on June 4, 2011 at 13:20

    Personally, I prefer to have a more strict system. It keeps me on track. Give me one slice of bread and not only will I have raging diarrhea, I’ll end up eating a whole baguette in a few hours.

    While I admire your desire to be nonconformist, I question the direction this blog is going. It seems to be less about providing information and more about “Lookit how many people I can piss off! I’m so cool and different!” At least lately.

    • Cheryl White on June 4, 2011 at 15:12

      I don’t think Richard is advocating eating something that you know is going to make you sick. When making non-paleo choices you still have to use your brain. I avoid wheat like the plague, but the occasional serving of frijoles isn’t going to kill me. As for the direction of the blog, why does it have to be either/or? It seems to me that this post both informs and irritates (many). Win-win.

  75. Richard Nikoley on June 4, 2011 at 14:50

    “I question the direction this blog is going. It seems to be less about providing information and more about “Lookit how many people I can piss off! I’m so cool and different!””

    I hope to soon roll out the “Please everyone all the time” FTA version, by being so uncool and just like everyone else. 🙂

    • Karen P. on June 5, 2011 at 13:55

      In order to be a proper contrarian, you have to sometimes go contrary to your contrarian positions.

  76. Joshua on June 4, 2011 at 15:50

    mate you’re my hero. I am adopting that meal plan immediately, but I’ll have two Sundays. hold the pasta.

  77. Joe on June 4, 2011 at 21:28

    Hi Richard!

    This is the first time I’m on your blog, been reading intensely into Martin’s LGs blog, and what can I say! Its been wonderful to read both of your blogs. Just want to thank you for sharing so much of this knowledge; be it training, or IF, or cooking etc. Don’t underestimate the power and the ability of your blog to change lives. Im really enjoying the food porn section of your blog, you make a high protein diet seem like heaven. Once again, thanks to both you and Martin! 🙂

    I am a student atm, and struggle to cook (I don’t have the skills etc), I linked to your blog from Martin’s LG blog, and stumbled across your sauce recipe:

    “Let me give you the basic method:

    1. Slowly reduce about 1/2 C of red wine per serving until you get a syrup, like a few Tbsp.
    2. Add your beef stock. I typically use about a cup of Trader Joe’s organic (per serving).
    3. Reduce the whole thing to about 1/3 C per serving.
    4. Add a pat of butter per serving.
    5. Bring to a boil and add 1/4 tsp potato starch per serving to just enough cold stock to make a slurry. Stir, watch it thicken, serve.”

    At the risk of sounding like a dumass, I really don’t know how to cook, but like to learn how to make this sauce. I have never made any sauce in my life; could you dum this down even furthur me please mate? The kitchen is like a foreign body to me.

    So I literally turn the stove on, put 1/2 cup of red wine into the pan, wait till that “reduces” (which to me means evaporates) , then add 1 cup of beef stock, then wait till it evaporates to about the same amount as a 1/3 cup? I’m kind of confused when you refer to “per serving.”

    I would love to be able to not have to shove my dry steak down my throat any longer when clearly there is a better option. 🙂

    Keep lifting heavy Richard,
    and once again thanks for this awesome blog!
    Joe

    • Mallory on June 6, 2011 at 07:05

      just chiming in, i think you got it right. also, if your lazy like me or you dont have/like red wine, you can take beef stock, the pat of butter, simmer it(heat it lol) and add a packet of plain gelatin(sold by the jello) and then add the starch & spices

  78. Mike Gruber on June 5, 2011 at 08:27

    “Give your lover a good fucking”? You said “fuck” … that pisses me off. 😉

  79. Cath on June 5, 2011 at 08:54

    ROFL, I like your plans for Sunday. I am seriously behind on the alcohol consumption… 😉

  80. Joe on June 5, 2011 at 14:08

    Richard, just thought you might want to help get the word out:

    Gary Taubes is doing a live web chat tomorrow (Monday), June 6 at 11 a.m. PT (1 p.m. CT, 2 p.m. ET)

    http://www.latimes.com/health/la-health-chat-gary-taubes-diet-20110613,0,3157256.htmlstory

  81. Noah on June 5, 2011 at 18:36

    I know its a bit off topic, but Dean Ornish is a data manipulating asswipe.

  82. Curmujeon on June 6, 2011 at 05:25

    Great post Richard! I was pissed off that nothing you put on your menus pissed me off! But that makes me happy because I have resolved to not get pissed off about what anybody else eats. And I mean ANYBODY! Of course, I don’t mind if anybody gets pissed off about what I eat. Let them hate if they want. Eat and let eat, I say.
    I like to do Meatless Mondays–couple of avocados, cheese(raw milk or triple cream), 6 eggs, blueberries, oh and Seinfeld low-fat yoghurt(only 10% fat) plain, of course, or maybe with the blueberries and some greens(love spinach, especially). Monday shouldn’t piss anybody off, right? Except on holidays. Had some rib-eye, some Paeo nephew’s Jack Links(I like my own better) jerky and Sis’s excellent fruit salad while out on the boat. Bought some grass-fed whole milk at the ice cream place with my chocolate ice cream. Now I know why I shouldn’t be doing low-fat unfermented dairy.
    Fridays, I make fishy(no meat), pescatarian I guess. Eggs, yoghurt, sardines and cheese(maybe). Last week I ate the cheese first and had no desire/room for the sardines! Sashimi special for lunch. Salad, miso soup and raw fish(nom, nom!) and maybe a couple of dips into the soy sauce. If they bring rice I eat some. Twice they’ve(different places) asked if I wanted rice and I declined. Fresh grilled tuna, last week, with collards with butter for dinner.
    The rest of the days are mostly Primal with the occasional detour off of the Primal path. Avoided pizza at the poker game Saturday. Ate my spinach and rib eye while the others were digging into their bird seed pies. I did have a couple of Flying Dog Wit Biers. Maybe that’s why my joints are aching! There I’ve succeeded in pissing myself off! And about something I ate myself! I knew I could get there! Thanks for helping, Richard and for everything else that you do.

    Eat and let eat.

  83. ulfr on June 7, 2011 at 10:34

    Kinda off topic, but Fox came out today with pretty much a direct attack on the Paleo diet.

    Ranked: The Best and Worst Diets

  84. jerry on June 7, 2011 at 19:34

    hey richard, sorry if this has been asked and answered numerous times already but i just wanted to know if you use olive or coconut oil, at which temperatures (low, med,hi) do you cook with them and for which foods?

    • Richard Nikoley on June 7, 2011 at 20:36

      I almost never cook with OO. For drssing and drizzling only. For CO, I just do ot below smoking poont.

  85. B on June 11, 2011 at 15:07

    That was the greatest blog post I’ve ever seen. Hi, I’m Brandon, your newest blog subscriber.

  86. Txomin on June 12, 2011 at 05:28

    This is the first post of yours I read. You have been bookmarked.

  87. Alexandra on June 18, 2011 at 08:41

    First time reading your blog… I like your attitude.

    I have a policy of never talking about food, weight loss, etc. unless I am asked. I have lost well over 100 lbs by eating low carb and high fat.. I find it amusing that the very obese and clearly unhealthy people I work with have never asked me what I did to transform myself. I never eat in front of them so I assume they think I must have done it through starvation. They are smug in their belief in the conventional advice of eating low fat with plenty of carbs including volumes of fruit and in counting calories…. nibble away ladies, but time is wasting! None of us are getting any younger.

    Cheers!

  88. Link Love | A Natural Notebook on June 18, 2011 at 09:15

    […] of a more plant-centric, lower fat eating template. Heck, even Free the Animal is recommending an Individually Optimal Diet, but only to piss everyone off, of […]

  89. Why We Need Variety In Food, But Not In Diet on July 10, 2011 at 02:51

    […] The Individually Optimal Diet: Piss Everyone Off (freetheanimal.com) […]

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