Subject brewing all football season, but has come to a head — har har — only last Sunday. Even then, I chewed on it for a few days. I’m not always sure I want to jump into a post that’s sure to make some flinch. …But first, a little background. I’m a fair weather friend. It must be said. In fact, it’s since about 1985 that I’ve loved to quote the famous saying:
A friend in need is…a pest.
Well, almost a quote. It’s just that in terms of football, the 49ers were just amazing around 15-20 years ago and thereabouts, and I paid a lot of attention. And when they went dark, I had little to no interest except for the occasional game here and there, so long as there were apps & alcohol in reach. This year, I’ve watched every single game and many others of other teams. Sunday has become football, for me. Oh, well. I’ll get over it.
I can’t remember a single TV commercial back in the day, or before, sporting a buffed, rugged looking guy in his 40s, sailing a boat in restless seas, experiencing a sail malfunction, fixing it and after all that:
He can’t get it up.
He’s gotta check with his doctor to see if he’s “healthy enough for sexual activity.” Then he gets a prescription and the principle warning is not that you can’t get it up in your 40s and ought to take serious note of that, but of having “an erection lasting over 4 hours.” As a dear relative said — who passed away earlier this year after a long bout with cancer — in one of her life-of-the-party-to-the-very-end moments, “Call your doctor? Hell, call me!” Well if you couldn’t get it up before, and now the risk is an uncontrolled, runaway erection…I mean, is this comic? Is it comic? I’m laughing.
Does any of this make sense?
What planet do I live on? How did the society in which I’m a part of since 1961 — a microsecond in evolutionary time — become so pathetic as to not only put up with, but buy into that sort of pathos, and act like it’s just business as usual? Well, that’s really the kicker in all of this for me, and sends me into raging laughter over the drug-dependent impotent state for which society seems to be clamoring and reaching.
I’m not altogether sure, because I still hold out for evidence of Immaculate Conceptions & all, but I’m pretty sure that every single person alive is the result of “sexal activity.”
Are you healthy enough? Seriously?
You know what? If you’ve got such dietary or psychological issues that you can’t perform except in those rarest of inexplicable times that are probably alcohol related, perhaps you might consider just hanging it up, sparing the world your progeny, for now. Alternatively, how about get up off your football-watching ass, toss the burgers, pizza, wings and Bud Light, get yourself some decent nutrition — look into paleo while it’s still cool — and push, pull and lift a heavy thing or two, now and then.
This isn’t rocket science. Male impotence ought to be a rare condition, not something so common that it can command the most expensive TV advertising space that exists.
Stop being so pathetic, men.
Update: Someone reminded me of this great Bill Maher rant on the pharmaceutical industry.