A Modest Proposal to Protect School Children from Gun-Wielding Predators

If I was even more cynical than I am, more susceptible to conspiracy theories, what would be better than this?

In 1990, the Oligarchy that runs everything worldwide behind closed doors, and with their super-human ability to keep secrets too big to keep for centuries, got together for a brilliant plan. See, they’re smart—they run everything without us even knowing so they must be—which means they know there will always be a predator / evil element.

Let’s eavesdrop…

How to benefit from that predatory element, beyond the obvious protection racket we’ve already been running for centuries, exchanging public perception of being safe for less actual safety and with our middle-man cut of more power and influence in the bargain? How about we make the most defenseless members of society—and most sympathetic—the principle targets and victims? Our power will skyrocket!

Gun Free Zones! Schools! Brilliant idea! We’ll implicitly advertise to the predatory element just where they can go to meet the least amount of resistance. They’re smart. They’ll get it. …Not to mention, some of this element were misfits in the very public indoctrination we call schools; it will be a doubly obvious choice for them and a literal perfect storm of public outcry for us. Our influence will skyrocket!

…Just one thing. There’s a grave danger that the public will eventually catch on and realize that we’ve made the kids sitting ducks, so that we can grab more power, more influence…and eventually, be seen as so virtuous that our old rival The Church will just hang up its robes & beads for good. …What happens if, for instance, either someone who knows we’re just doing this so predators will go after the children instead of us or our stooges in government, or is the typical moron who thinks everything we do is good for them… What if they propose that we make The White House, Capitol Hill, and all the State Houses Gun Free Zones?

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A Far Better Sitting Duck Target Than Schools

Seems like a good diversionary tactic to me. I await President Obama or any Congressman to introduce Federal Legislation to make all federal and state houses of government across the land Gun Free Zones. What’s good enough for the kids is good enough for us, and it goes without saying that we ought to lead by example when it comes to kids.

Richard Nikoley

I'm Richard Nikoley. Free The Animal began in 2003 and as of 2021, contains 5,000 posts. I blog what I wish...from health, diet, and food to travel and lifestyle; to politics, social antagonism, expat-living location and time independent—while you sleep—income. I celebrate the audacity and hubris to live by your own exclusive authority and take your own chances. Read More


  1. LeeAnn on December 21, 2012 at 16:10

    Wow, you’re finally going down the rabbit hole! It’s about time — asshole! (And this is only meant in an affectionate way!)

    • Richard Nikoley on December 21, 2012 at 16:17

      It’s likely my parting shot on this issue, LeeAnn.

      I try to help when I can. But do note, my “conspiracy theory” is as unfalsifiable as any God hypothesis. I don’t think God is a mass conspiracy either. Just looks like one.

      Is there a material difference? Probably not. It’s always best from my perspective to deal with the plain facts of matters.

      • LeeAnn on December 21, 2012 at 17:23

        Matters of facts are the truth by the way. Plain. That is. You are not “helping” anyone but yourself. So relish it. (And I know you do!) There is so much more to the big wide world than food — especially paleo food. What if we could create it, all, within? And we do. There isn’t any else eating from the plate. Just us. You and me. So don’t go off on me (like you would like to, asshole!) I love you more than you love me!

      • Richard Nikoley on December 21, 2012 at 18:29

        LeeAnn, I consider being called asshole a compliment. 🙂

        Be well.

  2. Aaron A. on December 21, 2012 at 16:36

    Oddly enough, why do the people who howl about gun control in North America and claim Europe as the panacea of rationalism never complain about the fact that in every Euro city the cops walk around with sub guns in the open, maybe it is that open show of force that keeps people in line, funny how that works.

    • neal matheson on December 25, 2012 at 12:16

      never seen that ‘cept at aiports

  3. Marnee on December 21, 2012 at 17:18

    Benevolent dictatorship punctuated by occasional assassination can now become a reality.

  4. GS on December 21, 2012 at 18:50

    [Keeping my name secret, for reasons that may be apparent to you R.]

    There is a conspiracy, except that it’s not perpetrated in secret. It’s wide open, for all to see. It takes place in academia, and from there expands to the various social venues of minority groups. Other than being open, rather than secret, it’s substantially the same as many of the ‘conspiracy theories’ peddled online. Throw a conspiracy theory out there (that doesn’t impute something obviously false, like God, universal consciousness, or whatever), and odds are it’s been discussed and disseminated at the academic level.

  5. Joseph on December 21, 2012 at 19:11

    You mean we could have stopped all the nonsense going on abroad by turning Afghanistan, Iraq, and Pakistan gun-free zones? Why didn’t anyone think of this?

  6. S. Andrei Ostric on December 23, 2012 at 06:40

    A big part of the conceit of lawmakers and intellectuals who influence them is that because they say ‘ought’ or ‘should’ that pre-supposes a condition that actually exists or has existed, or if it doesn’t exist, it can be created this time in history (even though it has failed in the past) through policy intervention, without a cost to other places, that may result in less security or less whatever else we might want, say healthcare, or roads, or bridges, etc. As I see it, the fact is the biggest items on black markets in the world are (a) drugs (b) guns and (c) art. Banning guns, as you know, and as I have learned from the Doug McGuff lecture you posted, Richard, is essentially a distortion on the supply and demand curve, which will create shortages, and guess what happens when there is still supply (which there will be)? An even bigger black market will arise. The problem is evil will always exist. So will the demand for guns. What policy has ever existed that eradicates all evil and makes people not want to have guns, especially bad people? Show me that, along with your unicorn. You don’t think Russian black market gun dealers don’t think a ban would be good for their business? And more black market AK-47’s make us safer, how exactly? Arming yourself and arming law-abiding citizens, though not the option if you live in the garden of eden, is probably the best option we have, unless of course you want to hedge your bets and give the government all the guns and hope you are on their side when push comes to shove. If there is another way to look at it, that doesn’t include utopian visions of man as he could be if things were right according to the philosopher kings, then let me know. That’s an old trope…it’s called tyranny.

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