To my own extreme displeasure and self loathing, I cannot seem to delete a single fucking episode of Hell’s Kitchen from my DVR without watching it, first. Fuckin’ brilliant, mate! While I’ve dumped many fucking programs I used to watch, this one seems to stay.
Fuckin’ Gordon, like me, has this sort of passive-aggressive way about him that speaks to my own truth and perception: I love the people I call cunts, bitches, pussies…and tell to fuck off, the most…sometimes. Shush! It’s kinda true, though I have reached limits here & there.
A fucking commenter a few posts ago linked to a video of that fuck, Ramsey, doing simple fucking scrambled eggs, before “giving it to his wife in bed.” I’ve long known how to do fucking scrambled eggs and other fucking forms of eggs right, from watching fucking Julia Child and Jaques Pepin (they once did an entire episode on doing all manner of eggs, different methods—I can do an omelet in under 20 seconds per Julia). Essentially, you can use fucking low or high heat, but the way you do them differs really fucking dramatically, with each.
I had to try this fucking dish. It’s very similar to how I do scrambled eggs already. I use the least heat setting and stir for one holy fuck of a long time. It’s rather like fucking bain-marie, or sous-vide. But in this case, you use the highest heat setting so the result is like a low setting, but far quicker. Fuck yea!
Focus your fucking eyeballs.
I gotta say. Do it exactly like that…fucking Rocket Science.
I got hungry and didn’t want to source stuff, so I used plain yogurt in place of the crème fraîche, and dried parsley in place of the fresh chives. Still awesome.
Do it EXACTLY how he demonstrates. Stir non stop, put it on the [high] heat for 20-30ish seconds at a time, take it off and keep stirring the whole time, back on and off 3-4 times. Once it begins to set up (you’ll know), then immediately stop cooking by introducing the cold crème fraîche or whatever sub you’re going to use—and you can even use another pat of butter, like Julia Child does.
This will make you a cooking & fucking rockstar. You all know scrambled eggs. This will show you how irredeemably fucked up the whole world is, and that’s a good thing because that fucked uppedness runs way, way deeper than just scrambled eggs.
Now go fuck off.