Twitter and FTA Facebook Pagers got wind of this, but back some weeks ago when I went on HuffPo Live over—once again—not using soap or shampoo (washing with water only) for nearly the last five years, it turned into an inquiry from CBS to be on their national daytime show, The Doctors.
You know me. I’m like, “sure, when?”
“We’ll be in touch.”
Then I didn’t hear anything for 2 weeks and just assumed it was a dead deal. I have some sense about how stuff like that goes. Then I get the call. That’s one of three reasons I just had to take my mind off blogging for a week. So since Monday, it’s all been about background info, questions, emails, photos, etc. Plus, the show was scheduled for next Thursday, October 17, and it was the one day—give or take 30—where I had a real, no shit, hard conflict. That’s a matter I can’t discuss, but I had to ignore a firm “NO” four times in a row and go at the guy again and again to get him to relent and reschedule. It was just like you see in the movies when that happens. It can actually work, simply not taking no for an answer, but nicely. Don’t beg, though.
Schedule conflict out of the way, coordination continued with the show’s producers. Then, when finally pitched to the executives Tuesday night, it hit a snag. Let me give you a hint by means of two potential headlines:
- Man doesn’t use soap or shampoo for 5 years.
- Husband doesn’t use soap or shampoo for 5 years.
There’s a short but powerful epistemology and marketing lesson for you all in one. No charge.
I actually felt a tinge of dumb when Lindsay called for the half-dozenth time Tuesday evening, still in the office (“It’s only 7!”), to tell me it was a deal breaker unless Beatrice could appear on the show as well. Ah…Grasshopper…moment. I love a new “learn” or insight every day and when it’s actual experience like that, I never forget it. Now, if you understand the distinction between those two headlines and the import given the market segment of the show, here’s your bonus: with Beatrice appearing, there would be no question that I actually have gone nearly 5 years without soap or shampoo.
Bea spoke with Lindsay a couple of times, at length. It would require her taking off three days next week. Plus, deal with the dogs, one of which is a bit special care right now.
Let me give you two potential headlines as to why this ultimately didn’t work out for next Thursday’s show.
- Deadline 30 days away, woman gets busy
- Deadline 30 hours away, man gets busy
I’m a business guy and the woman I married is a school teacher in her 31st year. Bea is never late on anything, because it’s ready for multiple reviews two weeks before it’s needed. I thrive on pressure and the fear of failure and embarrassment and I always do my best work and enjoy it the most when I’m both scared to death and pissed at myself for yet again procrastinating something I could have wrapped up weeks ago.
Different Yin-Yang wave links that happen to work for us, but principally because I always know my limits with Bea. Duh, she knows I want to do this. But never in the 15ish years we’ve been together has she ever felt dominated to do what I want, or else.
I suppose that’s the fundamental reason for this post, actually; because I regularly play asshole for entertainment value here…because this is entertainment principally, self help secondarily. But this is my gig, not Bea’s, and she’s neither a regular reader nor commenter and I have never insisted that she be. She just doesn’t read blogs, or drop comments anywhere. Envy that. I do, sometimes.
And so, there’s absolutely no way I was going to dominate, cajole, intimidate, imply threats or take away a single piece of my love over her being uncomfortable with too sudden, too pressure, too quick. Right now or else.
But Lindsay called back. She inquired as to whether Bea didn’t want to go on at all, or was it just the suddenness and pressure of a Television production deadline? Of course, it’s the latter. Bea’s all smiley about going on. So, it’s possible it could still happen in the future. But, it’s basically back to the grab bag for us, so we’ll see.
…And I feel good.
Let’s suppose I’d resorted to the standard liberties spouses presume they’re entitled to by virtue of “spousehood.”
“Bea, look, this is what married people do. They support one another no matter what. You have to do this. You must help me out here. Imagine; on the cover of my next book is ‘as seen on The Doctors.’ You can’t deny me this. You better just do it.”
Those italics, other than the show title, signify imperatives intended to dominate someone else. Anarchy begins at home, so I don’t do that. I don’t need laws. I don’t even need moral imperatives and there’s nothing wrong in business or love in stating your terms and standing firm. But I imagine us sitting on the set, live, all smiles and exuberant. Her feeling bad about acquiescing to my dominating intimidation and guilt foistering, me feeling bad about doing it.
You don’t need laws and you don’t even need so-called moral imperatives, per se. Not if you’re selfish enough to care about what you think of yourself.
I have to conclude with a mention of the astounding professionalism of Lindsay Sutton, one of the show’s producers. She was tenacious and did everything she could to make it happen. Even attempted to contact the school and school district over the time-off questions. Tenacious, edge of pushy, i.e., perfect. Get this. From Monday to today I either returned her call or called her on pending issues nearly 2 dozen times. She picked up first ring each and every time. 100%. Astounding work ethic that instills hope in me for the future, in the hands of those young people.