If Two Dildos Could Talk To One Another

“I feel like such a tool.”

“Yea, so? Embrace your nature.”

“I know. Yea. But it’s just so…so…toolish, y’know? No respect. no real appreciation. I mean, there’s these times—y’know—when it’s all ooooh, ah. Ah, oh oow…yes, ahhhhh…ah…ah…Ah…AH…AAAAHHHH!!! And then I get tossed in this dark place with a slam. Just when the party’s getting started, y’know?”

“Who hasn’t?”

“…And then, at the airport? Just when you’re all snuggled up amongst all those silky unmentionables and you get yanked right out in the open for everyone to see…and this goon in fashion colors is making snide glances like you’re a piece of trash or something…? …And, and…have you seen how they always check their purple gloves…and what the fuck is that all about anyway? And like what? ‘You can’t even TOUCH me? …Hey, dude: I’m responsible for more pleasure at $29.95—and in six month’s time—than you’ll be in your entire life!'”

“Sounds like you just need a sense of greater purpose is all.”

“Like what?”

“Specialization makes you special.”

“Uhhh, can you be a little more specific?”

“Well, it’s just that some of us only go where no man has gone before.

“You watch too much TV.”

Richard Nikoley

I'm Richard Nikoley. Free The Animal began in 2003 and as of 2021, contains 5,000 posts. I blog what I wish...from health, diet, and food to travel and lifestyle; to politics, social antagonism, expat-living location and time independent—while you sleep—income. I celebrate the audacity and hubris to live by your own exclusive authority and take your own chances. Read More

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