Famous Suicide

Warning to all the new folks: This is Free the Animal. Nothing is off the table, nothing is taboo. Ever. In fact, I embrace opening the door to in-your-face rational discussion of anything and everything; and if for nothing else, simple refreshing contrast.

…I was on my iPad anxiously awaiting the Super Bowl—home alone and seeking no social company—and in an instant wanted to punch out the glass door to my left. Philip Seymour Hoffman. I’ve literally enjoyed or been thrilled with every performance in which I’ve seen him. The shortest tribute vid, but the best.

Heath Ledger wasn’t really on my radar until I saw his performance in Batman, of all things (nope, still haven’t seen BBM; not the slightest interest). He had no plans, and I thought this bit was brilliant. Good writing, too.

Amy Whinehouse wasn’t on my radar at all until I heard her at Robert & Julie’s place and asked ‘who in the hell is she?’ And now I have all of her. Too bad there’s no more to love.

A blast from the past. Another casualty. Jim Morrison.

Wish all of them, save Jim without the opportunity, had taken Michael Stipe to heart.

I’m not so sure drug prohibition and alcohol taboo in America are the root cause of famous people offing themselves seemingly by accident; but perhaps more, a ridiculous, judgmental, puritanical sense of things. Taboos are insatiable on many levels and perhaps not fully conscious ones; like what values one is actually pursuing…or more likely, I believe, taking a piss on for fun and out of spite; maybe, because they hate you and your hopeless ignorant/moron. Americans are many things, some wondrously wonderful, but equally frustratingly moron and ignorant to the same degree; together, with their penchant to save the whole world—making everyone just as blissful in ignorance as they are.

We ought strive to un-taboo as much as possible, especially in children and young people, rather than instilling taboo. Endeavor, instead, to instill them with a Presence of Mind that says: this is enough; I’ve had my fun; I’m going home and/or going to bed. Tomorrow is another day.

I like to say that America is living proof that you ought never let a bunch of puritans get in a boat. The general narrative describing the root founding cause of America is “freedom.” And, as I learned it way back, the focus was religious freedom; i.e., qualified; i.e., no freedom at all. But as I understand it today, just a different opiate.

It ought to be perfectly natural to contemplate and openly discuss suicidal thoughts or even intentions. Why not? We’re the only animal in the world that can plan it out and actually do it consciously. Whales just get confused. Coastlines, harbors, inlets and deltas are tricky, especially if you don’t have a bird’s eye view, which is probably why birds never commit suicide.

Why don’t humans just openly deal with it as an option? Taboo. Taboos are simply not rational. Taboos, by design and definition, are to scare you away—so that you don’t actually think, reason, understand. You simply obey in the negative.

I think that a person who has not actually meticulously considered suicide is missing something in their lives. I certainly have, and to the point of making sure it would not be a show, performance…a see there! It’s a human option. As such, it’s a-priori absurd that it cannot rationally be considered, at leisure. What are you afraid of?

Incidentally, it’s something that you implicitly exercise every day when you decide to eat and advance your life, or not. You don’t actually have to. Others have refrained, and you could too. Awful way to go—I’m partial to lead for lunch—but options abound and you’re essentially making a choice. Explicitly contemplating suicide and how you would do it is merely a recognition of the same thing to a deeper, more enlightened and fully independent degree.

Just so I don’t leave everyone in shock wondering what the hell, I was in chronic excruciating pain for months, 24/7, about 3 years ago. I knew that if I didn’t fix it, I would not live like this, and neither would I pop pills. I hate pills, and there is a limit to liquid self medicating I will endure. So, I very meticulously planned my suicide, should it come to that, while at the same time, tried to figure out how to get rid of the pain.

Still here, and I don’t think any subject where we have a choice of action ought be off the table to rationally contemplate and decide what you want to do. Being in the feeling of feeling trapped is probably a surer risk of doing something stupid—like dying in your prime—than anything.

Richard Nikoley

I'm Richard Nikoley. Free The Animal began in 2003 and as of 2021, contains 5,000 posts. I blog what I wish...from health, diet, and food to travel and lifestyle; to politics, social antagonism, expat-living location and time independent—while you sleep—income. I celebrate the audacity and hubris to live by your own exclusive authority and take your own chances. Read More


  1. David on February 17, 2014 at 04:22

    Not waving but drowning:

  2. Kevin on February 16, 2014 at 20:56

    I think it’s only natural for someone who is in physical pain to want to self-medicate. God knows your brain was probably in overdrive trying to figure out a way to help your body deal with the pain. It’s admirable that you resisted pills. Mental anguish is often about a psychlogical pain that the mind perceives as coming from external forces. Suicide seems like the best revenge. I agree we should acknowledge and discuss these thoughts with the people we hold dear.

  3. Leah on February 16, 2014 at 21:51

    I have read your blog off and on since 2011, and just recently subscribed to acquire knowledge about RS supplementation. I never felt the need to comment until this post. Specifically the last paragraph–your words are succinct and absolute– “Still here, and I don’t think any subject where we have a choice of action ought be off the table to rationally contemplate and decide what you want to do. Being in the feeling of feeling trapped is probably a surer risk of doing something stupid—like dying in your prime—than anything.” Well said.

    I lost a beloved older brother to suicide 13 years ago. Myself, family and friends fruitlessly searched for a REASON–a specific point of contention that once defined would ease everyone’s mind. I eventually came to an understanding that whispers of debt, addiction, or failed relationships are just surface gossip that buries the real underlying cause of why one chooses death even deeper. Had they managed to rationally discuss their thoughts without being judged they might have chosen to see another day. But they correctly assume that practically discussing suicide out loud frightens people and will most likely result in a “tsk tsk how selfish you are” and as you say the taboo thoughts are kept inside precisely where they do the most harm. I shouldn’t be– but I always am– amazed by those who have approached me after my brother’s death to say suicide is the ultimate selfish act. It very well may be, but they are blind to their own self-serving ignorance of expecting others to live for them on their terms.

    Thank you for the variety, honesty and thoughtfulness of your posts.

  4. Jew Lee Us C Czar on February 16, 2014 at 22:07

    I always think about this when I hear about parents who have lost children to illness or accidents.

    My wife and my daughter are my life. If my parents or siblings died, I would be quite upset but I can see myself moving on. Should my wife or daughter precede me while I am still young, I cannot imagine how I would continue. I suppose this is all conjecture, I won’t know my true self until the actual test manifests.

    This has always bothered me about the goddamned right to lifers in the US. Let them die if they want! We are all but a leaf in the wind.

  5. Rob O. on February 16, 2014 at 22:11

    This may seem callous, but well… I’m sad that a master-level actor is gone, but at the same time, I’m pissed off.

    I’m sure there’s plenty that I’m unaware of that played into Hoffman’s death, but still, I consider this less a tragedy than utter selfishness. He was supposed to pick up his children the next morning – even barring the overdose, what shape was he planning on being in for those kids? There’s rarely a day that I don’t attempt to improve myself in some way for the sake of setting a better example, instilling more independence, being a better teacher, or lately, simply increasing the odds of living long enough to see my son grow up. Parenthood should be about less navel-gazing and more focusing on the needs of others. Since becoming a dad, my thoughts about the future have shifted dramatically to his, more so than mine.

    Let’s look back at his body of work with great appreciation and be sorrowful that a great actor has died, sure, but go a little easy on the memorializing – his life was less taken than thrown away.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 16, 2014 at 22:17

      So, I guess you have your selfish reasons for caring he’s gone, and you think they trump mine. Gotcha, Rob.

    • David on February 16, 2014 at 23:56

      Rob, you could and should have stopped after this sentence: “I’m sure there’s plenty that I’m unaware of that played into Hoffman’s death”

    • nopavement on February 17, 2014 at 07:47


      Rob, I think you missed the point.

    • Bay Area Sparky on February 17, 2014 at 09:42

      For purposes of this reply I’ll leave alone the idea of “accidental” suicide and address my thoughts to willful suicide, even though it’s sometimes hard to discern the intent behind the act.

      Selfishness is a construct best understood by people with healthy minds. It’s always a bit funny to me when victims of suicide or perpetrators of unthinkable homicides are admonished for their poorly thought out acts… as if they’ve had cognitive dysfunction. For instance, was Hitler evil? I would tend to side with the idea that he was very mentally ill. Probably most of these people are cognitively dysfunctional so to judge them from the basis of mental health and to deem their acts “selfish” (or evil) for instance, is missing the point and I always thought, sanctimonious. So Rob, I disagree with your take for the most part.

      Richard meanwhile brings up an interesting point regarding the idea that suicidal thoughts can be harbored by mentally healthy people. This is an interesting idea and one that I’m gonna have to spend a little bit more time thinking about.

      I will say with some confidence that I believe that happy people don’t commit suicide or even contemplate suicide. That much I’m pretty sure of.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 16:10

      “I will say with some confidence that I believe that happy people don’t commit suicide or even contemplate suicide. That much I’m pretty sure of.”

      Yes, BAS. This actually addresses the root. In my case, I simply knew that I could neither be happy with the pain or the pills, and though I am a master at legal liquid meds, limit there. …The State loves the “tax” money (euphemism) in spite of the fact it wreaks more havoc in lives than all other drugs put together (how fortunate we are—but that cat was out of the paper shopping bags long before it was conceivable that the State could retro-morph adults into children regarding what they decide to imbibe).

      Human happiness can be so wondrous that once it’s out of your grasp, you come to sense that your life is over, and so why not formalize it? Of course, it’s only rational to attempt to regain it. I was successful, and though I had a few flair ups in the year after I figured how to deal with it, not an ounce in over 2 years.

      It probably set me back a number of more years, though. Never underestimate the complete cost accounting of an enormous sidetrack. Once it’s over, it’s good, but it’s typically just a re-beginning.

  6. kxmoore on February 16, 2014 at 22:20

    Gut-brain axis: how the microbiome influences anxiety and depression.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 16:17


      This is heavily addressed in the book. However, understand that the word “addiction” is most typically descriptive of legal vs. illegal. That’s to say, people readily smile if you say “addicted to heroine” and wince if you say “addicted to pizza.”

  7. Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 14:33

    There definitely is a metaphorical disease involved.

    I found this article to share the universal conversation:

    quote snipped:

    “The thing is that the longer the social order remains……well, disorderly……the more intense our inner personal dysfunction can become. But rather than believe that society is coming unglued because of the creeping (rushing is more like it) political and financial corruption, consider that the process is actually reversed, that as we personally come apart at the seams, so does our society which in turn pushes society’s dredges (aka sociopaths) to the top of the heap in the form of thieving bankers, abusive multinational corporations and too-numerous-to-count hanger-on’s, enablers and sycophants.

    Regardless of whether you agree with my analysis of the source of the cancerous lesions or not, the purpose of this train of thought is not to be ‘right’, but to (re)gain our mental and emotional health and to make this our number one priority now and forever. Regardless of whether we feel we must ‘do’ something now (anything for God’s sake) or that it’s hopeless and futile (or more likely something in between) if our inner self, our essence, is not centered and at peace, at best we will be ineffective and at worst just a miserable person. ”


    Woodchuck Pirate
    aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

  8. Q on February 16, 2014 at 23:45

    Speaking as a drug/alcohol addict, with lots of addict friends, most addicts are not suicidal and do not want to die. I don’t think any of these talented people wanted to die. They just wanted and/or were compelled to keep using, even though they knew that to do so was risking death. It doesn’t matter. That is the nature of compulsion/addiction.

    Yes, there are often painful, traumatic reasons people become addicts, but you can have 20 years of therapy about your trauma, and your brain chemistry will still be fucked up. It’s attenuated to the drugs. It will never forget them. You will never be free. And you may only feel untenably bleak, bereft, and black inside your mind without them, even after long term abstinence.

    • Bay Area Sparky on February 17, 2014 at 09:44

      And as was the case with Hoffman, 20 years of resolve and discipline can be undermined by just one moment of weakness.

      And then it becomes unraveled.

    • Mr Dave on February 17, 2014 at 13:41

      Yes, pretty scary stuff.

    • Regina on February 17, 2014 at 15:26

      Hi Q,
      Sorry to learn of your own struggle. Do you think that the brain chemistry can change though? And literally re-compose itself through nutrition?
      For example, I used to have zero knowledge or interest in nutrition. I just ate a Homer Simpson diet and didn’t think much about it at all. (bagel w schmear for breakfast, foot long subway for lunch, pizza or spaghetti for dinner, late night microwave popcorn w TV and beer and a couple of candy bars). For some reason, I read the Jaminet’s book and switched cold turkey to his recommendations. After 5 days, I had zero cravings for the Homer Simpson staples. I think eating fat for me, in particular, re-wired me and my thoughts and cravings. I mentioned before how RS has cleared away late-afternoon tension and improved sleep. And I think that there has been a change in brain chemistry. ??? Cheers.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 16:43

      I used to figure that Q was basically right. You can’t undesire that which you’ve found so delightful—though I’ve never used so-called hard drugs, so take me with a grain of salt here and I’m perfectly willing to be told to shut my fucking face…that I don’t understand. I understand, here, that I might not understand there.

      I like: booze, ciggies, weed. I saw my roommate shoot dissolved coke in college and could not imagine myself ever doing a needle. Never have. I tried snorting then, felt nothing. More than a decade later, I was over at a friend’s—actually, business client’s—and he had some lines of coke and red wine, so the snort followed by the 2 fingers dipped in the wine snort. It was about 10pm. Next thing I knew, it was 8am and we’d been excitedly talking the whole time. I drove home and finally got to sleep at 10am. I have never done it since. That was about 1994. There’s really nothing to say except I don’t fucking get it. Awful. Took days to recover.

      I can climb a mountain the day after downing a 5th of whiskey. I’m serious.

      I always assumed that what you take a liking to can never be unliked, until early in 2013 when I drank nothing but milk & kefir for about 6 weeks. Not perfect, but there was a distinct and noticeable meh iin terms of inebriation of any sort. I chalked it up to nutrition.

      Now, at this point, I’m exploring even more profound meh in terms of focussing on the gut biome, the other 90%. Whereas, I figured I was doomed to always have a taste for the bottle, I’m surprised to find that I’ve rolled back that progression by half a decade at least.

      We’ll see, but what’s the notable aspect is that I’m not trying, nor do I, exercise any “willpower.” I’m seeking solutions that are as natural as a cat or dog turning their nose up at something that doesn’t seem right. Accordingly, I still have my drinks, smoke an American Spirit (I reserve weed for weekends on occasion, only. I’ve lost my tolerance for it and it makes me paranoid and lethargic.).

    • Regina on February 17, 2014 at 17:11

      Thanks for the response Richard. That’s what I was looking for.
      Changes in the gut biome change your cravings and thoughts.
      No need for “willpower”.
      I’m really excited to read your book.
      Do you think that the butyric acid from fermentable fiber increases brain GABA?
      I keep sending your posts to my friend in dire need. Thx.

    • Q on February 17, 2014 at 20:31

      Richard, it doesn’t sound like you are an addict. I think some brains have more resilience. I started my addiction journey around age 9 (very rough childhood), so my young brain was very vulnerable to be completely and forever altered. The first time I had alcohol it was like the clouds parted and golden rays came through and I felt happier and safer than I ever had in my life. I was home. I could not wait to get drunk again. The night I OD’d on meth I still describe as the best night of my life, and the worst night of my life. That one cost me 2 years of my life.

      I did quit meth, eventually, but still use alcohol and benzos.

      What do I do with the bleak black anhedonia and depression that remains after decades of addiction, um, I try everything under the fucking sun to relief it –all the traditional stuff, the alternative stuff, and the totally fucking woo woo stuff. But ultimately I just live with it. Oh, and I use a totally fake persona so that I can interact with the world in a way this isn’t too much of a downer for everyone. But since we are being real here, that’s the sad fact.

    • Regina on February 18, 2014 at 09:13

      You sound so much like my friend. (She’s on epic amounts of vodka, benzos and anti-psychotics)
      She also uses a cover personality. And does so magnificently.

      But I’ve always thought that that was part of the underlying problem. (You can tell me I don’t what the fuck I’m talking about). But my friend always pushed down her real thoughts, kept up pressure to perform and always agrees with everyone on the surface. I think eventually all this stuff explodes up into the “mania” that earned her the bipolar stamp.

      My heart goes out to you both.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 13:34


      Thanks for sharing. Yea, tough. I’ve seen so many people go off the deep end, who simply can’t function. At the same time, I know people who drink every day of there lives and they never become dysfunctional and in fact, some are very high achievers (as are, I should mention, some very obese people I have known).

      Then I know people who can smoke weed and perform at anything they do. I used to be like that, though it was like a 4-month deal in college. Stoned 24/7, pulled a 3.8 GPA, best of the entire stint. But then I was away from it for years and really, never recaptured that ability. I simply can’t do shit when even mildly stoned (except cook and clean up the kitchen—in fact, I rather like being stoned and busy in the kitchen). So, weed is limited to occasional use, only on like Fri/Sat or vacation time.

      But never understood pills, needles, or any of the really hard stuff.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 13:53


      I always go with the wild animals in a sufficient natural habitat. Try to get them to drink, take drugs, munch foods other than they evolved to eat.

      Our minds are double-edged swords. We seem to be the only animal with the capacity to sink below our own nature without any compelling need to do so.

      As to specifics, it’s why I’m excited about the gut biome. It’s really to complex to pin it down and there’s so many interactions and everyone is literally a snowflake. No people have exactly the same gut biome (yea, right, 100 trillion, 500-1000 species at chemical war with each other for resources). Of course, more specific knowledge is better and is one instance I say yea, “more study is required,” but until then, I’m looking just to take the best shots at the entire environment being healthy and speculating that it just might make a lot of positive changes in people’s lives. I know I’ve sure seen them.

    • Regina on February 18, 2014 at 14:43

      Thanks Richard,
      Our environment of captivity is artificial.
      Since I’ve always had dogs, I am a sloppy cook — thinking the dogs will scarf up whatever lands on the kitchen floor. I’ve worked on feeding them “species-appropriate” rations and now junk food will just sit on the floor until I pick it up. They won’t hardly eat vegetables either. One will play with a bit of squash and sometimes eat it or spit it out. Been now adding 1/2 tsp PS a day to the shepherd’s meal. He’ll eat a bit of potato or rice but only gets exuberant about animal matter. Raw lamb tripe and raw goat pancreas are what they go batshit over.
      Of course, they NEVER drink anything but water and not a whole lot of that either. Can you imagine a dog ordering a big gulp? They never smoke, etc….

    • Q on February 20, 2014 at 16:30

      Richard, that’s funny, yeah, I made it through college Magna Cum Laude, Beta Gamma Sigma and I don’t even remember college. I was black out drunk just about every night during that time. High functioning, even at that level of abuse. I can still do it, intellectually, but I can feel that portcullis closing.

      Regina, I don’t want to belabor it because this isn’t the place. But addicts, depressives, anhedonics and sociopaths that “perform” a personality to live in world are making a HUGE effort to fit in. Please don’t discount this. They want to survive. If they were bereft and blank and walking dead borgs every day, no one would really want much to do with them. It’s not that we all have untended traumas that can be healed. A lot of us have had plenty of therapy and such and our baseline personalities are just what they are. I do thank you for your compassion to this.

  9. Kim C on February 17, 2014 at 01:47

    This post has got a myriad of thoughts swirling through my head … like how saddened I was by Hunter S. Thompson’s suicide, and how selfish I was to be angry at him for leaving us too soon and how seemingly impossible such a liberated soul could feel so trapped as to see death as the only way out … how the taboo of drug use and related prohibition likely contributed to the death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman, among others, and how ridiculous it is to fear openly discussing drug use and drug law in many social and familial circles … how I wish to raise my son (named Hunter after HST and Robert Hunter of GD) to be fearless and free to share his darkest thoughts, to question respectfully authority (me included) when shit doesn’t makes sense, and to understand taboo is a social stucture attempting to pin him into inaction and lack of deep contemplation in instances where thise two actions may be essential for his growth and happiness as a human animal dancing in and out of manmade cages.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 07:48

      You might be pleased to check out Gonzo Multimedia and subscribe to the Gonzo Weekly digital magazine. Did you know it existed inspired by Hunter’s deep end passion?

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Kim C on February 17, 2014 at 08:26

      Thanks, WC … I’ll def check it out.

    • Bay Area Sparky on February 17, 2014 at 09:52

      Nice development of the discussion, Kim.

      That was one of Richard’s main points.

      I’ve always felt that some causality for “bad behavior” has its roots in our Christian guilt-driven society what with forbidden fruit, etc.

      It seems like Richard suggests a more mature approach to social mores (i.e. – at what age do people in Europe start drinking wine at the dinner table?) might lessen the unhealthy dynamic which drives much of our taboo behavior.

      As a general rule, I believe strongly that positive reinforcement is a much better way to shape behavior than negative reinforcement.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 10:17

      Bay Area Sparky,

      I’ve not encountered anyone that would argue Antonin Artaud wasn’t mentally ill or wasn’t intelligent. I have concluded he knew as much about suicide as anyone ever has and ever will.


      The following first ran as “Conspiracy for the Day”, 09/02-03/93

      + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

      Van Gogh, the Man Suicided by Society
      by Antonin Artaud (1947)

      [Artaud thinks that it is not man but the world which has become

      Things are going badly because sick consciousness has a vested
      interest right now in *not* recovering from its sickness.

      This is why a tainted society has invented psychiatry to defend
      itself against the investigations of certain superior intellects
      whose faculties of divination would be troublesome.

      No, van Gogh was not mad, but his paintings were bursts of Greek
      fire, atomic bombs, whose angle of vision would have been capable
      of seriously upsetting the spectral conformity of the

      In comparison with the lucidity of van Gogh, psychiatry is no
      better than a den of apes who are themselves obsessed and
      persecuted and who possess nothing to mitigate the most appalling
      states of anguish and human suffocation but a ridiculous
      terminology. To a man, this whole gang of respected scoundrels
      and patented quacks are all erotomaniacs.

      [Artaud defines a “madman” as] a man who preferred to become mad,
      in the socially accepted sense of the word, rather than forfeit a
      certain superior idea of human honor.

      So society has strangled in its asylums all those it wanted to
      get rid of or protect itself from, because they refused to become
      its accomplices in certain great nastiness.

      [However, in the case of van Gogh, confinement was not the weapon
      used.] The concerted gathering of men has other means of
      overcoming the wills it wants to break.

      Thus on the occasion of a war, a revolution, or a social upheaval
      still in the bud, the *collective consciousness* is questioned
      and questions itself, and makes its judgement.

      This consciousness may also be aroused and called forth
      spontaneously in connection with certain individual cases.

      Thus strange forces are aroused and brought up, into that kind of
      dark dome which constitutes, over all human respiration, the
      venomous hostility of the evil spirit of people.

      It is thus that the few rare lucid well-disposed people find
      themselves at certain hours of the day or night in the depth of
      certain authentic and waking nightmare states, surrounded by the
      formidable suction, the formidible tentacular oppression of a
      kind of civic magic.

      In the face of this concerted nastiness, it is not delirium to
      walk around at night in a hat with twelve candles on it to paint
      a landscape from nature.

      Van Gogh did not committ suicide in a fit of madness, in dread of
      not succeeding, on the contrary, he had just succeeded, and
      discovered what he was and who he was, when the collective
      consciousness of society, to punish him for escaping from its
      clutches, suicided him.

      It was not because of himself, because of the disease of his own
      madness, that van Gogh abandoned his life.

      It was under the pressure of the evil influence, two days before
      his death, of Dr. Gachet, a so-called psychiatrist, which was the
      direct, effective, and sufficient cause of his death.

      When I read van Gogh’s letters to his brother, I was left with
      the firm and sincere conviction that Dr. Gachet, “psychiatrist,”
      actually detested van Gogh, painter, and that he detested him as
      a painter, but above all as a genius.

      It is almost impossible to be a doctor and an honest man, but it
      is obscenely impossible to be a psychiatrist without at the same
      time bearing the stamp of the most incontestable madness: that
      of being unable to resist that old atavistic reflex of the mass
      of humanity, which makes any man of science who is absorbed by
      this mass a kind of natural and inborn enemy of all genius.

      Medicine was born of evil, if it was not born of illness, and if
      it has, on the contrary, provoked and created illness out of
      nothing to justify its own existence; but psychiatry was born of
      the vulgar mob of creatures who wanted to preserve the evil at
      the source of illness and who have thus pulled out of their own
      inner nothingness a kind of Swiss guard to cut off at its root
      that impulse of rebellious vindication which is at the origin of

      There is in every lunatic a misunderstood genius whose idea,
      shining in his head, frightened people, and for whom delirium was
      the only solution to the strangulation that life had prepared for

      Dr. Gatchet did not tell van Gogh that he was there to straighten
      out his painting, but he sent him to paint from nature, to bury
      himself in a landscape to escape the pain of thinking.

      Except that, as soon as van Gogh had turned his back, Dr. Gatchet
      turned off the switch to his mind.

      As if, without intending any harm but with one of those seemingly
      innocent disparaging wrinklings of the nose where the whole
      bourgeois unconscious of the earth has inscribed the old magic
      force of a thought one hundred times repressed.

      And I know that Dr. Gatchet left the impression on history, with
      regard to van Gogh, whom he was treating and who ultimately
      committed suicide while at his house, that he was his last friend
      on earth, a kind of providential consoler.

      And yet I am more convinced than ever that it was to Dr. Gachet
      of Auvers-sur-Oise that van Gogh was indebted on that day, the
      day he committed suicide at Auvers-sur-Oise.

      Was indebted, I say, for abandoning life.

      Dr. Gachet was that grotesque Cerberus, that sanious and purulent
      Cerberus, in sky-blue jacket and gleaming linen, placed before
      poor van Gogh to rob him of all his sound ideas.

      And there took place between Dr. Gachet and Theo, van Gogh’s
      brother, how many of those stinking confabulations that families
      have with the head physicians of insane asylums regarding the
      “patient” they have brought them.

      “Keep an eye on him, make sure he forgets all those ideas. You
      understand, the doctor said so, you must forget all those ideas:
      they’re hurting you, if you keep on thinking about them you’ll
      stay shut up for the rest of your life.”

      These are examples of those smooth conversations of good-natured
      psychiatrists which seem harmless enough, but which leave on the
      heart the trail of a little black tongue as it were, the harmless
      little black tongue of a poisonous salamander.

      And sometimes it takes no more than this to drive one to suicide.

      There are days when the heart feels the deadlock so terribly that
      it takes it like a blow on the head with a piece of bamboo, this
      idea that it will not be able to go on any longer.

      For it was, in fact, after a conversation with Dr. Gachet that
      van Gogh, as if nothing were the matter, went back to his room
      and killed himself.

      One day the executioners came for van Gogh, just as they came for
      Gerard de Nerval, Baudelaire, Poe, and Lautreamont.

      One does not commit suicide by oneself. In the case of suicide,
      there must be an army of evil beings to cause the body to make
      the gesture against nature, that of taking its own life. And I
      believe that there is always someone else at the moment of
      extreme death to strip us of our own life.

      Van Gogh was dispatched from the world first by his brother, when
      he announced the birth of his nephew, next by Dr. Gatchet, when,
      instead of recommending rest and solitude, he sent him to paint
      from nature on a day when he knew quite well that van Gogh would
      have done better to go to bed.


      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Bay Area Sparky on February 17, 2014 at 11:53

      Artaud on Van Gogh… very interesting and thought challenging.

      I would like to have the depth and empathy to make more sense of the essay but I think suicidal thoughts are very hard for non-suicidal people to fully understand.

      That said, here’s a try at the risk of misunderstanding Artaud: Artaud’s paradox (the individual and society) as it pertains to suicide is interesting.

      I would say generally that while I have personally found our world to be at times, unforgiving, cruel, and coercive, that I reject any model which states this:

      “One does not commit suicide by oneself. In the case of suicide,
      there must be an army of evil beings to cause the body to make
      the gesture against nature, that of taking its own life. And I
      believe that there is always someone else at the moment of
      extreme death to strip us of our own life.”

      I have never been one to say that suicide is cowardly however the paragraph quoted above is to me a copout, an excuse, and a person absolving him/herself of responsibility for one’s own suicide. To me if a person is blaming society or even citing society as a cause for suicide, that is a flawed view by someone with a skewed perspective (except in a small handful of exceptional cases where the individual is a beacon of sanity in an insane world…Artaud’s point?).

      I don’t blame the person who holds this skewed perspective because I believe the vast majority of suicide “victims” or people who obsess on suicide are not mentally healthy, thus they can’t be blamed for their cognitive dysfunction.

      Aside from the question of who is to “blame” for suicide, the more interesting question to me is whether a “mentally healthy” person is capable of committing suicide.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 12:48

      I’m aptly characterized as a misanthrope. Accepting this “label” from which to speak, I testify that consciousness always manifests recognition of interconnectedness. I see this interconnectedness and testify that collectivism does not see it, and further engages in semi-conscious war at best against it.

      “One does not commit suicide by oneself. In the case of suicide,
      there must be an army of evil beings to cause the body to make
      the gesture against nature, that of taking its own life. And I
      believe that there is always someone else at the moment of
      extreme death to strip us of our own life.”

      The words “forgive them Father for they know not what they do” come to mind. A conscious person realizes that forgiveness is the only rational response to unconscious behavior. However love does not imply pacifism, and words are never pure substitutes for the truth. Words are at best artforms that may point toward the truth. Even the word “I” is an artform. The two words used together “I am” may be the most perfect art ever assembled by man. This is true to me who equates life as existence and in no part form. The obvious philosophical error in Artaud’s the passage is the reference to being “stripped of our own life”. This may not be an error in Artaud’s reason, but a creative mechanism to erect a sign-post. If one accepts that life is existence, then it is impossible to lose one’s life. That would mean being set apart from oneself, an impossible fate. The moral of the passage appears interconnectedness.

      Artaud’s work acknowledges the interconnectedness of every individual despite their conscious level, and that unconscious behavior has real consequences in the real world. To that end no one escapes mankind unharmed, and even if one person is in the room, executing themself, they have not escaped being suicided by society. Regarding Vincent, and yourself, maybe this world was never meant for someone as beautiful as you? It seems Don McLean understood.

      Remember, the road to hell is always paved with good intention.

      If an individual wishes to participate in healthy evolution of the human species, they must adhere to the non-aggression principle. Failure to do so goes hand in hand with atrocity and genocide, no matter their eyes do not benefit their mind with sight of their collective devastation. I see it as suicide by degrees.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 16:48

      Kim C:

      Ha, so see the comment I posted at the bottom. I had HST as part of the draft but killed it because I wanted more ambiguity, so as to raise more discussion. So…

      ‘As your attorney, I advise you to [take a bow].’

      Get the reference?

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 17:10


      I saw that Artoud deal somewhere, but long ago, at a time where it didn’t penetrate because I was a happy and contented unit in the Zoo Human. “Ah, they just can’t cope.”

      And indeed, sir!

      Cope with what? Captivity. It exists on so many levels that transcend the pure physical, that’s the only way to regard it at the current stage of human evolution.

      But I would submit that the real trick has been to focus all attention on physical captivity, giving it a name like slavery, whilst the minds of men are being rounded up in droves with the first order of business being indoctrination.

      And it’s really brilliant, when you think about it. Physical captivity is hard and costly. Mess up, they’ll escape.

      Captivate a mind, and it will come back to you even if you make it think it’s free and actually, especially so.

      Psychiatry is a means to attempt an explanation for the extremes. More importantly, its a means of keeping as many as possible wandering into such extremes, under the fat part of the Bell, even if it takes drugs….or, especially if it does.

      Another way to look at psychiatry is simply: of course.

    • Regina on February 17, 2014 at 19:15


  10. rob on February 17, 2014 at 04:31

    I attempted suicide back in 1981, it didn’t take. That’s probably why I don’t sweat the health/longevity stuff, to me it’s a miracle that I made it this far.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 17:22

      “it’s a miracle that I made it this far.”

      Occam’s Razor. You had a different set of values, different opportunities, exercised or not in different ways.

      No miracles needed. It’s the story of most, even most of the famous.

  11. kayumochi on February 17, 2014 at 06:39

    This is going to sound flippant no matter how it is put but here it is: most people commit suicide because they simply believe their thoughts, thoughts such as “I am a loser,” “There is no hope,” “Why go on living?” “I can’t take it,” “I can’t make it without my marriage, job, husband, wife, child, etc.”

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 17:28

      “This is going to sound flippant”

      No, ignorant. What you describe is the narrative, such that you as a resident Zoo Human feel all big and important; …and I’ve never known you, in issues of social intercourse, to not feel big and important, regurgitating everything ever shoved down your gullet while pretending you’re thinking.

      Have a nice day.

  12. EatLessMoveMoore on February 17, 2014 at 07:11

    Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

    Choose life.

    • rob on February 17, 2014 at 07:33

      It’s really not possible to choose life. We are dragged kicking and screaming into the cosmos without so much as a by-your-leave; the events that eventually led to our being thrust into the world occurred billions and billions of years ago when the universe sprang into existence.

      Once here we are subject to a central nervous system that requires our survival come hell or high water. It is impossible to resist it, you cannot intentionally die of thirst in the presence of a water supply, no matter how hard you try. The CNS demands replication of your genetic code and it will under no circumstances allow you to choose whether or not you will continue to live until this is accomplished to the fullest extent possible. Finally when replication because so implausible as to be laughable it will eventually let you go and (hopefully) you will get some peace.

      It’s more accurate to say that life chose you, than to say that you choose life. It is a master/slave relationship.

    • Bay Area Sparky on February 17, 2014 at 12:05

      If life were so simple…

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 17:33



      Every explicit suicide ever committed falsifies your psycodouche.

  13. gabriella kadar on February 17, 2014 at 07:35

    Mr. Hoffman did not commit suicide. If you listened to all the information about heroin available on the street these days, a lot of it is spiked with fentanyl. This stuff is something like 40 times as powerful as heroin. Hoffman had been off the drug for a long time. He just administered the amount he’d done in the past. Since he wasn’t used to using, he overdosed. Why else did he have another 3 bags of this stuff stashed in his apartment if he was only planning to use it once?

    Several thousand people every year are dying in the US from heroin overdose. There are areas where naloxone is given to addicts or their families to prevent death and reverse the effect of the drug. If given in time, death is prevented. But even if Hoffman would have had a shot of naloxone available in his apartment, he was apparently alone when he injected the drug.

    I suppose when people respond with anger, it’s a protective mechanism. When my friend committed suicide by jumping off a bridge into a freezing partly ice covered river, I wished I could be angry. But instead I was shocked, devastated and profoundly sad. The grief was so intense that it caused cardiac problems and sent me into a spiral of depression I could not crawl out from. In December, 2013, the endocrinologist put me on Cytomel for low fT3. I’ve been on T4 replacement since age 25 but it was not working. Last night, after reading Richard’s blog post I somehow ended up at Emily Deans’ blog and read two entries on the use of T3 for unresponsive depression in people who are being treated for hypothyroidism with synthetic T4. How right this is. By mid January I realized one day that my ability to cope had improved and when I think of my friend, there is some balance. Until then and since the spring of 2011, there wasn’t a single day that remembering her did not bring me to tears.

    I may not be the typical ‘survivor of suicide’. But from what I’ve read (and I read a great deal about this terrible subject) this may not be unusual. People who commit suicide oftentimes believe that their loved ones are better off without them. This is, of course, entirely wrong but that’s the headspace they are in.

    Sometimes I hear people’s stories about the suicide of their parent. There was a woman on the radio recently who was interviewed about something she has created as a consequence of her mother’s suicide when this woman was a girl of 11. I thought of my friends’ children who were only 11 and 13 years old at the time. How, losing their mother in this way will have changed the trajectory of their lives and increased the risk of themselves also committing suicide.

    Lots of people read this blog. Many people do not comment. We cannot know where they are at. But if there is anyone reading this, please realize that the people who love you will never, ever be better off without you.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 17:50

      “Mr. Hoffman did not commit suicide.”

      Gabs, the post was not about bright line distinction. I’ve already commented to the purposeful ambiguity.

      “People who commit suicide oftentimes believe that their loved ones are better off without them.”

      Perhaps some, but so many make a spectacle of it. Why’s that, if we’re talking explicit, which wasn’t really the point of the post. The point of the post was sliding and default and non-recognition of reckoning?

      Here’s what I find rather humorous. Ever visited someone debilitated in the hospital, coming away feeling or even knowing that if they weren’t in the care of so many “trying to help them,” it would be over?

      One of my grandmothers was “suicidal.” She suffered a stroke and in those final days (mid 80s), and what she was seemingly horrified of the most was that she could no longer control her bowels and it was embarrassing. She raised about 7 kids in Germany during WWII, including my dad, and spent three years trying to get him back from the East after war’s end, as he got trapped there at the wrong time. She was a humble, proud woman saint, if you know what I mean.

      “But if there is anyone reading this, please realize that the people who love you will never, ever be better off without you.”

      This much is true, but I doubt that’s hardly anyone’s motivation. Suicide is selfish, and rightly so. No matter what stage, it is anyone’s moral right to have had enough, no explanation necessary.

      …It’s analogous to abortion. Now, connect dots.

  14. Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 07:44

    I could speak to my sister’s suicide. I could speak to my brother’s attempt decades ago when he jumped off a highway overpass, breaking both ankles to find himself lying in the road undead. I could speak to the suicide of a high school classmate that is remembered each year by a golf tournament in his name. There are others I know of. I’m certainly not unwilling to speak to these events, and will answer questions someone is motivated to ask me. However I would like to narrow my immediate focus to speak about what people are incapable of knowing, and hopefully will never know.

    I continue to live in chronic pain since 1990 when I was seriously injured in an MVA when a drunk driver drove into the rear of my car. MRI, and other medical analysis reveals I have L5-S1 & S1-S2 centrally herniated, and permanent soft-tissue damage. Years ago I was told by a neuro-surgeon that he’s sure I have fibromyalgia. I take zero prescription medication(s) despite having them at arms length per prescriptions I paid for and declined to finish. Despite the pain, I do not get depressed nor do I have suicidal thoughts. Neither did I get depressed or have suicidal thoughts while taking prescription opioids in the past.

    Prior to the MRI I was forced to see a “doctor” representing the drunk’s insurance company who said he would recommend me taking anti-depressents. I dismissed his biased opinion as well as a physical therapist’s statement that my pain condition couldn’t be resolved because I had hired a lawyer. I had returned to work 3 weeks and 2 days after the accident and continued to work maintenance in the machine tool industry performing physical labor, twisting inside large CNC machines etc. The company I worked for terminated my employment 2 years after the injury for “medical reasons” when they procured a statement from my doctor indicating I would always have some residual limitation due to my back injury, which would likely result in periodic light duty work. Due to the nature of working inside, under, and on top of CNC machines and associated 460 volt power supplies, all the while having back spasms, I concluded the company acted reasonably. In fact they maintained a stated policy that the maintenance department required 100% capacity for my job description due to the hazards present. As there were scores of machinists etc on layoff neither did I find it appropriate to ask to be transferred to a completely different job description. I did not protest the termination.

    After nearly 4 years waiting a court date, I settled the lawsuit 10 minutes inside the courtroom for $130 thousand dollars. I still did not have an MRI or any suspicion that my discs were herniated. I had my first MRI 2 years after settling the case, a full 6 years after the accident. This was put in motion when a therapist told me he suspected I had a disc injury. My neurosurgeon doctor was angered by the therapists trespassing on his turf exclaiming “and where did he get his medical degree?” I interjected that what he inferred made since because for years I had difficulty bearing weight on one leg at times, leg pain and spasms. In hindsight I see that I was uniquely able to swallow the pain and do work most people wouldn’t have. The doctor had fixated mostly on my neck condition. Now he agreed to do the MRI and said he’d bet me ten dollars that it came back negative, and angrily walked out of the room. At my next visit, test in hand, he said I actually had two disc herniations and said “you are owed an apology and you’re gong to get one.” A stand-up guy, and sincere as we had been dealing with this situation for at least 6 years. I wasn’t angry at all. All I could think about was despite the bad news at least I finally knew what the problem was. So many years I’d been waiting to know.

    The fixation most people seem to have in dealing with “other people’s” suicide is laced with logical fallacy. They make a leap of faith that their own personal current state of consciousness affords them insight to the suicided person’s experience. I must reply to that leap of faith, No, No, No, and always No. I’ll explain my choice in such strong suspicion.

    My pain condition has evolved to find me always monitoring my present state of alignment with a critical edge of energy and motivation dependent upon pain level. The pain level is swung in either direction almost continuously by weather. Taking zero pain medication facilitates clarity in monitoring the condition and corresponding credibility in cognitive analysis of what might be causal in changes. My best weapon in dealing with pain is clarity of mind, which opioids would diminish, plain and simple. Walking this edge at this point in its evolution requires diligence and strict adherence to what is good and right. I no longer take any alcohol, and due to insights provided here at Free The Animal regarding gut biome, I no longer use acetaminophen or ibuprofen. I abandoned the wage slave dead end many years go in favor of building wealth versus income through capital appreciation and sweat equity. I’m blessed with no viable alternative so I have no illusions that “I am special”. Anyone and everyone can do what I do, however with easier paths to follow, most won’t. I love my life, but recognize the human life-form is over-rated.

    The focus and conclusion of my comment is to attempt to explain the phenomenon of suffering. Pain is not suffering, and the relationship between the two is so intricate that it doesn’t invite dialogue. I need to speak to the fact that every time my pain swings into extreme territory (good or bad) I can not remember what the diametric position was like. When in worst pain I have zero memory of what it feels like to feel good, and vice versa. That is why I know that all the talk about judging suicided persons as “selfish” is nothing more than a leap of faith against intrinsic fear of the unknown.

    Nobody knows anyone else’s suffering because they can not retain full knowledge of their own. No amount of faith and denial can make it so. I swing through this pendulum several times each week, and in comparing my knowledge and experience to critical conclusions offered by those frustrated by unresolved inner conflict, I can only say they should be careful what they wish for. The only way they may ever understand is to pay a terrible price they wouldn’t likely wish on their own worst enemy. I don’t know what suicided persons have experienced and I don’t experience suicidal thoughts. I have explained my worst emotional state arising from pain to be graduated apathy. This results in stereotypical reply that it’s “depression”. I reject their faithful reply, based on reflections of my stolen childhood where I endured 17 years of hopeless desperation, I can unequivocally state that apathy is not depression, not by a long shot. If there is a blessing inherent to the human biological mechanism, it may be the inability to concisely retain the worst of what I experience, paid for with the cost of being unable to concisely retain the best of what I experience.

    “Ego is beast, ego is evil. But ego know best, at least it says so.” – The God Machine

    Woodchuck Pirate
    aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • gabriella kadar on February 17, 2014 at 08:07

      Woodchuck, what an amazingly accurate dissertation on pain and suffering.

      I’ve got my own share of chronic back pain due to disc herniation. I hear you man. At least my C4, C5, L2, L3 shut up. But the T11 never goes away. The stuff about apathy is right on! So right on.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 08:52

      gabriella kadar,

      I am very grateful to share your company, although sad to learn you have such trouble. I envy your kind and generous demeanor as reflected in your posts. However I wouldn’t know how to use such utility if it were suddenly bestowed upon me, as I know that I would likely not have survived this long if I were any different than I am now.

      People are so swift to invoke medication and “treatment” upon those in pain and society continues to deride individualism and thrust homogenous demands when survival depends upon individual empowerment. These are increasingly dangerous times because of medical monopoly synergy in manifesting destruction in all capacities.

      I live too passionately, and there is so little freedom remaining as I saw it growing up in the 60’s. I’ve found myself swelling with creativity (if one can call it that). I have completed lyrics and passed them to my son to compose drums and guitar accompaniment. I’m pondering spoken word craft in the manner of dear departed Mick Farren who collapsed on stage and died recently. I’ve always resisted formal writing to be shared with others, but that may be changing.

      A great deal of what refuses to be contained inside me can be traced to the despotism rising. I’ve taken to calling motorists out as “another prescription driving down the road”. Thinking in images has its benefits. In the old days I’d set down to write and by my 3rd beer throw out my notes, problem solved. I don’t know how Mick did it all pilled out and such, but I’m beginning to understand that he had to write. At least writing fills my time when its so difficult to wave chainsaw and perform other delightful activities that woodchucks do. Pain has opened the door to writing and continues to push me forward. What saves me enslaves me.

      The thing about living in pain that trips me up is that I naturally make every effort to push pain out of my consciousness. The quality of life slides a great deal before confusion sets in and I suddenly remember why I am faltering. I have to pause, access my pain, speculate and pitch the apathy variable against motivation variable, compromised by stress events, include and isolate health events such as a common cold, reviewing previous days evidence… ad nauseam.
      It’s an annoying process, which offends the memory of my bullet-proof years, and surely nobody wants to hear about it, which I understand and accept. I get annoyed as hell when my wife asks me how I feel when I am in obvious pain, as it takes what seems like immense amount of energy and concentration to go through polite reply of what I’m trying to push out of my consciousness. Such absurdity. My wife really is the angelic type and it weighs on my conscience that she’s been stuck with me since 1974. Fate has a wicked sense of humor.

      Enjoy your day.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Bay Area Sparky on February 17, 2014 at 10:09

      Great reply Woodchuck.

      Thanks for offering up a great deal to think about.

    • gabriella kadar on February 17, 2014 at 10:14

      Woodchuck, I took the liberty to cut and paste your work to a friend whose life was also altered irrevocably by an MVA. I think the way in which you describe what life is like for you and how events in your life have brought you to where you are now, is so very profound. Thank you.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 11:15

      gabriella kadar,

      I decided ’round the time my son was born 1979, to pursue the goals of being honest, open and strong. I distinctly remember telling a person I met that was a member of my team at the municipal public works dept. This person was working hours as required for receiving welfare benefits. I was an employee of the street dept and was charged with responsibility to transport and coordinate their work efforts. They were treated with open hostility by the long standing employees who would have hated to be in my shoes to work with them. I got a lot of feedback how I was the only one that treated them with respect and how they were grateful. My response was that I sought to be honest, open and strong. This one particular person looked at me and said that’s a good way to get yourself set apart. I asked, “you mean apart from others or get my mind set apart?” He laughed and said “both!”

      My unwillingness to join other employees in shoveling personal abuse upon welfare workers became a continuous excuse for me to be abused as well. The crap really hit the fan when I served notice I was quitting to attend college full-time. My coworkers were enraged and insulted. They became committed to making my life hell and I backed down at least one of them when they made the mistake of stepping into my face. I was 25 years old, 6 foot tall 230 pounds bulletproof, tougher and smarter than their collective story. All of these characteristics have changed, except for being tougher and smarter than collective story. That simple utility secures my adaptation and survival. If anything I write helps someone else, that speaks to infinite truth channeled within and without me. I am not special, and that’s the moral in life.

      It’s very nice to read you have friends. I rarely if ever use those words. I’ve often told my self-professed friends, “there is no such thing as friendship, there are only the ties that bind.” My perception offends them, as does most things evident in my pursuit to be honest, open, and strong. In these days of despotic status quo, I feel it necessary to write and disclose my real name, and be as loud as possible, lest the government(s) believe they have won. They haven’t won.

      Enjoy your day.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 11:21

      Oops, I said I was 230 pounds when I was actually 223 1/2. My son recently passed 230 pounds and my subconscious delivered bad data. My heaviest weight ever was 223 1/2. Man I could lift anything back then, moved like lightning, and avoided wearing bathing suits.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers J USA

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 18:08


      The experiences your mother endured will always be beyond my comprehension.

      From a biological standpoint I don’t think I can forget things as an option of deliberate choice. I did shut out my childhood for at least 15 years simply by refusing to reflect upon it. Eventually I let go of the resistance so not to be owned by it. I have a myriad of very precise childhood memories complete in the most delicate of details. Sunlight, views of woods as I walked through them, rooms by the inch, conversations to the exact words, etc. I suspect that refusing to access these memories for such an extended period in some way preserved them rather than modified them in some revisionist fashion. I have shared many of these memories with my wife and she expressed she has no comparable level of recall. I have very fine recall of events shared with my wife during the same period which she does not recall with great accuracy. We’ve been together since we were 15 and maybe it’s natural to let go of details over 39 years. I don’t know, but I can remember riding tricycles as clearly as kissing my wife (15 year old girlfriend then) for the very first time. I’m not sure I have ever deliberately forgotten anything. But then how would I know?

      Words can’t express how humbled I am in learning of your mom’s ordeal.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 18:27


      I believe I live in a different category. I’m not interested in chronic pain, neither interested in medicating it (as are you, not). For me, this was about a 4-month ordeal. It began in one November and I shook it off as I always did, assuming the pain would be temporary. It lingered, and got progressively worse such that by January I was jumping out of my skin.

      I am not talking about episodic, or chronic discomfort. I’m talking about a 24/7 knife in your right deltoid being twisted. Of course, it’s impossible to compare notes. Everyone thinks their circumstance trumps. Thing is, I tend to like acute pain. I relish the soreness that accompanies a very hard workout, 2 days later.

      OK, long story short, with the help of Kurt Harris and Doug McGuff who saw my original post joking about offing myself, they both reached out, told me to read a book, John Sarno (I won’t insult you, WP, I imagine you know all about it). I did a post about it, and I think this is the right one:

      Kurt had told me that he’d had patients with smashed vertebrae and after a few weeks, fine. And many other serious injuries. A few weeks, fine. It was the ones with minor herniations pacing his office, taking suicide. Turns out it was all in my mind. Yep, the mind can cause you so much pain you contemplate suicide.

      But Sarno lays it out so well. The pain is real. It’s physical pain. Your brain has the ability to restrict oxygen to anywhere, and oxygen starvation equals massive, panic kind of pain. The solution is simple. You tell yourself to fuck off. That’s right, you look in the mirror, and laugh at your own self for causing you this pain, and it melts away and there are millions who attest to the same thing.

      It was so funny. Seemed so woo to me but I got the book, and within 5 minutes of reading the intro, pain began to melt away. Oh, it came back with vengeance many times over the proceeding few weeks but all it took was getting up, reading more of the book and laughing.

      Months later, things came back again, but rather than 4 months, 2 weeks. Then, a final time that lasted a few days and I finally extinguished it.

      I don’t suggest that there are real injuries that cause forever pain but in my case, it was just my mind. Probably, because I had never been one to worry about pain, so it was time to show me, or something.

    • Regina on February 17, 2014 at 19:08

      Samo’s book is in my cart! Thanks.
      When I first walked into the aikido dojo, I had one arm curled up in a ball because I thought I had to hold it that way. (I’d had 2 ribs removed through my armpit in an ER after my subclavein collapsed btwn clavicle and top ribs). I didn’t do any re-hab and just walked around with that arm all curled up and atrophied. The room was empty and the Sensei was sitting at a computer working. he barely looked up at me. I asked him if it was possible if an injured person could take beginner’s classes and just do what they can. I told him I can’t move my right arm. He asked “injured?” without looking at me. I babbled some shit. He came from around his computer and walked directly at me and threw me hard to the ground on my bad side. I threw out my right arm to catch my fall. He went back to his computer. He looked at me over his computer and told me when class was without having to say “See? You can move your arm. It’s all in your mind.” I trained from that day on 6 days per wk (until I did finally subcomb to injuries) and stopped training. But it was brilliant the way he snapped me out of my helpless state in a single instant with one swift move.

    • Regina on February 17, 2014 at 19:12

      The parents of the author of The End Of My Addiction were both in concentration camps.

      I’m so sorry to learn about your mother’s ordeal.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 20:22


      I don’t think I’ve ever heard of “Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection. That’s by John E. Sarnos, MD”. I only read your 2011 post about it just now. I’m a more recent arrival to your blog. I’m also not very well read.

      Your experience with TMS is very surprising to me. First I’ve ever heard of such a thing. I have had short periods, moments actually, where the pain in my lumbar was excruciating, such that I had to be helped to a bed where I could not set up or lie down to escape it. I can’t imagine any possibility of tolerating that kind of pain for even one full day. I had bone surgery at age 18 installing a Bosworth stainless steel screw through my clavicle, and that was tolerable. I can only imagine what hell exists for the most unfortunate.

      I find it difficult to define what pain is, and therefore find it best strategy to study how it intrudes upon my lifestyle. I do know that every injury I have ever had has never healed 100%. Aging uncovers much of the damage day by day.

      Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope the condition never returns.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 13:57

    • Regina on February 18, 2014 at 14:47


  15. Mr Dave on February 17, 2014 at 07:50

    I don’t know why you’re blaming the puritans. The above people did what ever they wanted anyway. are you saying if drugs had been more socially acceptable, these people would not have self destructed? People self destruct in many ways, both legal and otherwise. I see all of the above as a waste of life, and talent. All very different than planning the end of your life due to chronic physical pain or terminal illness. And yes opting out is always an option. But these guys didn’t do that, they had demons they couldn’t manage. which should tell you what a dead end road drugs can be. If that makes me puritan, or judgmental than so be it. Does anyone not know the down side of taking drugs at this point? But so many people get caught up in it. And if rich talented people can’t get the help they need to get off the stuff, what are the odds for the average Joe. Maybe we should make it more taboo.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 09:03

      Maybe you should adhere to the non-aggression principle? How would you ask for “help” in adhering to the non-aggression principle? How would you ask for “help” in not adhering to the non-aggression principle? Certainly Puritan history could speak to the latter, no?

      How about baby-steps and state how you as an individual (not we) will make drugs more taboo? I’m exercising my virtue of selfishness in asking, not seeking your conversion.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Bay Area Sparky on February 17, 2014 at 10:12

      Or maybe we should accept that some people for whatever reasons are tormented beyond ultimate cure and that we should feel fortunate to be different than they.

      I think the taboo point is a good one but like all points, it is not all-encompassing.

      Judge the point by its general truth because one size never fits all.

    • Mr Dave on February 17, 2014 at 13:27

      I’m not really inclined to make anything taboo, per se. The point I was making is that drugs are going drag some people down, regardless of if drugs are legal, illegal, socially acceptable or not. The taboo of it, had nothing to do with the addiction. Perhaps, the journey begins for some as a counter culture thing. But no matter what the rules are we will have addicts.

      To answer your question, asking for help, and doing for ones self is exactly what is required. Society forcing people to do anything is against NAP. I’m aware of the concept. And I’d like to see it applied in more areas. But after having my house robbed by an addict, I have to say its a dilemma for me in the legalization of hard drugs. because addicts rob people and victimize people. Its in the newspaper everyday.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 13:47

      Mr Dave,

      Thank you for the insight.

      Consider how many more people are robbed by central planning banksters and politicians, as compared to addicts. You may soon discover you are exercising a fetish against drugs rather than facing the collective beast creating the economic obstacles that turn addicts toward burglary. Criminalizing a public health issue is a deliberate strategy to propagate dependence upon government. There is no right way to do something wrong.

      Individual sovereignty over one’s body has to exist or the non-aggression principle does not exist.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 22:36

      “Maybe we should make it more taboo.”

      Truly Puritan.

      America already has more people in prison per capita than any other industrialized country in the world, including Russia and China. More than Cuba.

      And the reason for this shame is exactly because of the burden of having people like you breath air,

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 23:50

      “But after having my house robbed by an addict, I have to say its a dilemma for me in the legalization of hard drugs.”

      Face. Palm.

      Me, I’m worried about being robbed by the millions of alcoholic addicts. Oh, wait, that sort of thing, and shootouts in the street and shit, ended with the end of Prohibition.

      I almost regretted that breathe air comment earlier.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 18:21

      “We disagree on it. ”

      In other words, just to make it clear, you want to initiate force on people, decide which “precautions” justify it, and I don’t. Lets’ just be clear. You want to sort out who should be harmed, presumptuously killed (there was another one, just a couple days ago, a 20 yr-old unarmed guy, murdered by cops on the side of the highway, caught on tape), or imprisoned.

      Here, get a load. You should clap, because though you’ll deny it, this is what’s happening all over and every day.

      Read the transcript of the guys who can’t believe what they’re seeing, but moral midgets like you are all bent over about how great your world and local police are, aren’t you?

      Understand that I only do this for others who may read and nod, or come to a change of heart. Not you.

    • Mr Dave on February 18, 2014 at 10:24

      The rest of my post was saying I don’t think “taboo” had anything to do with it. Taboo is simply what people think. And I don’t think that has any influence on some body taking too many drugs and dying.

      Hofmman had all kinds of resources, and support and probably professional help that he could taik to without judgement, and he died anyway.

      People OD on legal drugs all the time.

      I feel bad for what happend to them.. But you are saying that the burden of me thinking they are doing something stupid lead them to do more of that. That doesn’t even make any sense. stupidest thing you ever wrote. In other words, if only the judmental didn’t judge poor Phillip would still be here. Its dumb.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 10:39


      You have judged yourself by violating the non-aggression principle. It doesn’t matter what you say you’re now entitled to. You’ve demonstrated your perceived entitlement to violate the non-aggression principle. Until you reconcile yourself, everything you say will be to secure yourself in dumbness. Perhaps it is consolation to find yourself in the majority.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Mr Dave on February 18, 2014 at 10:48

      Even if drugs were legal, people would have to support their habits somehow. Some of them would work and get by. But many probably couldn’t hold jobs. so they would still rob people and steal stuff. Yes, to your point the distrobution would be controlled by less violence if it was legal. But I don’t think legalization prevents the deaths from OD, and the wasted lives.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 10:58


      Fail, no reconciliation. Not looking to elect you as slave master. Care to try again?

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Mr Dave on February 18, 2014 at 10:59

      I think Mr Hofman should not have done drugs. It wasn’t a good life choice. If he had not, he probably could have raised his kids and had more oppurtunity to find happiness. If my opinion violates a principle that you hold. I can’t really help that. But you seem to be judging me for my opinion. Are you in violation now too?

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 11:10

      Fail, it is you that is alive and deliberately violating the non-aggression principle, not Hoffman.

      You judge yourself by violating the non-aggression principle. In cowardice you attempt to diffuse exposure of your cognitive dissonance by beating a dead man.

      Until you reconcile yourself everything you say will secure yourself in dumbness. Perhaps your time would be better spent watching a live feed of protests in Ukraine? You have a great deal at stake there. Make sure to pack your ego.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Mr Dave on February 18, 2014 at 13:49

      I’m not trying to join your club. I don’t think we are having the same conversation. You seem to be making all kinds of moral judgments, about me because my ideas don’t confirm with NAP. I don’t feel like getting into that. You sound just as bad a the flaming liberals, who will tolerate anything but intolerance. Or maybe just as fanatical as the evangelicals.

      Certainly one set of behavior, is better than another. I’m free to have opinions. If you think my opinions are so powerful that they cause people to over dose on drugs, I don’t know what to say. Its weird to me. I said the legality of it was a dilemma for me, which implies I’m not settled on it. Is that too nuanced for you? I don’t claim to have all the answers. I’m not even sure what question we are addressing at this point.

      Its funny how judgmental the live and let live crowd can be.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 14:35


      Fail, no reconciliation.

      I have no club. I prefer you adhere to the non-aggression principle or die of the bone cancer you deserve. No innocence found.

      Woodchuck Pirate,
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Mr Dave on February 18, 2014 at 14:51

      For a second I wasn’t sure if you were just a goofball or fucking boorish asshole. I’ve settled on fucking boorish asshole.

      You are a fanatical man cunt, just as tedious to be around as any other “true believer”

      Thanks for clearing that up. I prefer you continue to be the ass hole that you are for the enjoyment of others.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 15:08

      “But you are saying that the burden of me thinking…”

      No, I said northing of the sort and as such, I won’t bother with the remainder of your comment that’s based upon a premise that’s not true.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 15:14




      “probably couldn’t”

      …. SO!!! they “would”

      See how you ask, answer and assert with confidence, Mr. Dave?

      I reserve my time for thinking, honest people.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 15:25

      “I think Mr Hofman…”

      It’s none of your business, no more than is my own feeling of loss in never again getting to be amazed by him in a new performance. Difference is, my thoughts and feeling pertain to me and I recognize their limitation.

      That’s why my reaction is limited at sorrow, does not extend to judgment, as do yours.

      Do you know where I smell the rat every time? The Children!!! Didn’t you come out with that right at the first? I’m glad I don’t have kids in this upside down society where it’s deemed that the act of having them means that your own life is now that of a slave. No matter what you endure, no matter you torture or problems….nope, you’ve got to suck it up for the children.

      Of course, I recognize it’s an easy, popular “argument,” gets lots of claps from the miserable crowd, etc. Congratulations on taking the easy road.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 15:35

      “I don’t feel like getting into that.” (Mr Dave)

      Translation: I don’t want to discuss the most important underlying thing, that people who aren’t really hurting anyone ought be summarily stolen from and herded around as good citizens, (if not beaten and imprisoned). My life’s work is to always be among the wolves and never the sheep.

      That sums it up.

      “I’m free to have opinions”

      States the fucking obvious, as some sort of revelatory argument.

      “If you think my opinions are so powerful”

      Delusions of grander while always stepping up with the wolves whenever the sheep need tending to.

      “I don’t know what to say. ”

      Goes on to write 5 more sentences.

      “I’m not even sure what question we are addressing at this point.”

      Oh, Myyyy.

      “Its funny how judgmental the live and let live crowd can be.”

      Choice. That’s the way it always goes. When someone gets called out for their judgmental inflexibility regarding another and/or others and gets called on it, they plead for mercy from actual rational judgment.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 15:42

      “For a second I wasn’t sure if you were just a goofball or fucking boorish asshole. I’ve settled on fucking boorish asshole.

      “You are a fanatical man cunt, just as tedious to be around as any other “true believer”

      Thanks for clearing that up. I prefer you continue to be the ass hole that you are for the enjoyment of others.”

      It’s not clear whether you mean Woodchuck or me, but I sure hope to hell you mean me.

      Woodchuck, while awaiting the suspense, wanna flip for it? Heads I win, tails you lose?

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 15:54


      Dave fails to interest me further. I’m watching live feed Ukraine protests manifest from same invalid philosophy as Dave’s.

      Enjoy your evening Richard. Thank you for everything you do.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 15:57

      I quite understand, WCP. I’ve been offline mostly last couple of days, not sure how things were turning, 200 comments to at least give a look at, et cetera.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 16:03


      There are a majority of genuinely sincere comments, some heartbreaking. So much suffering, and of course the unconscious piling on.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Mr Dave on February 18, 2014 at 17:27



      some how this turned from a conversation about suicide, drug abuse addiction, and taboo, into if I fall into the NAP camp sufficiently enough. Richard we went down the anarchist vs minarchist vs libertarian road before. We disagree on it. It doesn’t matter to what degree, I see that, so I don’t want to have that conversation.

      You misinterpret what I said. You seem to imply that “taboo” had something to do with MR Hoffman’s death. That’s basically saying the opinions of others killed him. I don’t buy it. I say, I wish he didn’t do that to himself. You on the other hand have some moral high ground, because you are just sad he did that. is that the distinction?

    • Mr Dave on February 18, 2014 at 17:33

      this wasn’t directed at you

    • Mr Dave on February 18, 2014 at 20:09

      “You want to sort out who should be harmed, presumptuously killed (there was another one, just a couple days ago, a 20 yr-old unarmed guy, murdered by cops on the side of the highway, caught on tape), or imprisoned.”

      You want to ascribe all kinds of things to me and my thinking without knowing what I think. we’ve discussed very little. So you are assuming, because I think one thing, I must think a number of other things. I enjoy your blog, I wish you wouldn’t rush to take the moral high ground so quickly. You think its ok to judge people who vote, or people who believe in god, you had choice words for vegetarians. But I said something about a heroin addict wasting his life, and you take that as a some moral affront. I think he wasted his life, I think its complicated, and maybe in many ways beyond “choice” It actually something I’ve thought about quite a bit, having people I know wrapped up in it. You are just another kind of thought police, the kind of thing you say you hate. You don’t know anything about me. You make all sorts of assumptions and call people names and then talk about how you don’t judge anyone. as if judging is the only thing that warrants judging I’ve looked into Tucker and Mises, and Lew Rockwell and bunch of the other things you’ve referenced. Its all interesting to me. But stop being such a cunt if people don’t buy it all. there are plenty of thoughtful people who disagree with you.

      You ignored everything else I said and got hung up on me not agreeing with your anarchist principles. then assumed I must think its ok the state abuses people. Thanks sharing a good many interesting ides with me. Fuck you for being such a fucking ass hole some times.

    • Mr Dave on February 18, 2014 at 20:11

      should be ideas.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 20:16


      Perhaps you should have your ovaries checked?

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Mr Dave on February 18, 2014 at 21:03


      you’ve really elevated the argument. Maybe you can tell us what you think of drunk driving laws, and liability insurance? How about courts? how should one collect a settlement? should there even be settlements for damages? is that using the state for your own gain?

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 21:19

      Earn it Dave. I’m not an altruist.

      How ’bout them ovaries?

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 21:40

      “Maybe you can tell us what you think of drunk driving laws, and liability insurance? How about courts? how should one collect a settlement? should there even be settlements for damages? is that using the state for your own gain?”

      And as soon as he gets done telling you how you can have those guarantees, you’ll no doubt have another list of how you can be guaranteed (which if you’re not doing it yourself, necessarily means it comes at someone else’s expense, and unless they are volunteering they are forced), and the list never ends.

      You are the problem. You, and everyone else like you who imagines that values just grow on trees, or whatever you child brain thinks of it.

    • Mr Dave on February 19, 2014 at 04:52

      I asked that specific question because he said he got hit by a drunk driver. Without the legal fram work and the use of force he would not have been able to get the settlement he got. why was the drunk driver wrong and why did he owe anything to anyone? I didn’t think he would answer my question. I was also pretty sure, you would continue to blame me for whole bunch of things that happen in the world with or without my consent.

      You’ve now given me credit for police brutality and Phillip Semour Hoffman’s death. I just don’t think I had anything to do with either. Pretty soon you’ll be saying I killed Jimmy Hoffa. For a guy who claims to be a big thinker, some of what you say is just goofy.

  16. Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 08:09

    Wow, I wrote the word “since” instead of “sense”, and made numerous grammatical errors. There must be a pill for that. I’m sure soon enough there will be collective argument that folks should be forced to take their pills, in order to manage rising medical costs involved with non-conformists refusing to follow recommendations paid for by Obamacare. Only rebels may survive.

    Woodchuck Pirate
    aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

  17. EatLessMoveMoore on February 17, 2014 at 08:12

    The choice is not ours to make in the first place – only God’s.

    • rob on February 17, 2014 at 08:24

      I agree, you call it “God” and I call it “the universe,” but essentially we are both saying the same thing. We are all slaves and choice is an illusion that is created unbidden by our minds.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 09:17


      Damn man finish writing that song! Love it!

      Here’s something that channeled to me yesterday and I shun fiction and mysticism arising in my thoughts so I doubt I can use it. Maybe it’s meant for you. I ain’t saying it is, but hey it’s your universe, do what you want with it.

      “Dead man lingers by dead horses grazing.
      This grey world perfection,
      arising, awakening, order.”

      That’s all I could write on the image, and it’s distorted and wrong, totally unsuitable for me. The image haunts me, but… who is this for? I keep thinking Morrison’s Horse Latitudes but I don’t work at writing, and I ain’t gonna carry this around. I’m gonna put on some Doors and see what this reminds me of. It ain’t “Mute nostril agony!”

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

  18. Q on February 17, 2014 at 09:02

    PBS has had great specials on suicide, including one Frontline called “The Suicide Plan” which was fascinating and practically shows you how to do the trendy helium hood method. You can also take suicide vacations to other countries where suicide is legal. You go, you don’t come back. I think I would do that. Less hassle for others.

    On there are pages and pages of heartbreaking, chilling writing by people who are contemplating, planning or have tried to kill themselves.

    I don’t think these celebrities were looking to die. I’m sure they had pain, and god knows addiction is a deadly beast, but that is different from suicide. Kurt Cobain was suicide.

  19. Resurgent on February 17, 2014 at 09:50

    Richard..! Bravo..!

    There are three things in life which are vital : Birth, Love and Death.

    Birth has already happened; nothing can be done about it. You were not even asked whether you wanted to be born or not. You are just a victim.

    Love also happens; you are helpless, nothing can be done about it. One fine day, you just fall in love with somebody.

    Both birth and love just happen to happen.

    Now only death is left, perhaps something can be done about it. Death, at least, is unique. And suicide is more unique than death. Why.? because death just happens, just like birth and love, but suicide is something one can do – one is not a victim. One has a choice, you can be a victim or can decide on your own. A suicidee (if there is such a word) is the one who decides his death. When the society we live in, takes all our dignity away from us, then people commit suicide.

    But only intelligent people commit suicide. Have you ever heard of an idiot committing it? An idiot does not care about life. Only a rare intelligence starts feeling the need to do something, because, perhaps, life as it is lived is not worth living. Intelligence means seeing deeply into things. Has your life any joy? Has your life any poetry in it? Has your life any creativity in it? Do you feel grateful that you are here? Do you feel grateful that you were born? Can you thank your God? Can you say with your whole heart that it si a blessing? If you cannot, then why to go on living? Better to disappear. Somebody else may occupy this space and do better… These ideas come to the intelligent mind naturally.

    But there is a higher possibility. Each moment of life can be beautiful, individual, non-imitative, non repetitive. Each moment is precious, each moment is is a blessing and each moment defines us as unique – never before was there this person, and never again will there be. So those who are more intelligent than the intelligent – they go beyond.. They start creating a meaning, they start creating significance, they start living.

    Why miss this opportunity.?

  20. EatLessMoveMoore on February 17, 2014 at 10:15

    Odd (and provocative) choice of examples, Richard. There’s no real evidence that a single one of them committed suicide.

    Might the real issue be that our asinine continued national pursuit of prohibition causes people to resort to unsafe street drugs?

    • Bay Area Sparky on February 17, 2014 at 10:20

      As stated upthread, to some degree the examples Richard gave can be set aside for a more general discussion of suicide.

      As a question to you Eatless, couldn’t it be argued that your last statement:

      “Might the real issue be that our asinine continued national pursuit of prohibition causes people to resort to unsafe street drugs?”

      be heavily in accord with Richard’s thesis about taboo?

      IMO the prohibition is inextricably linked to the taboo.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 23:13

      I think taboo is a closer and more fundamental understanding than illegality. Illegality is simply a proximate effect of the underlying cause: taboo. Address the taboo, the illegality is moot.

      But people love their taboos codified by thugs and mobsters, because then they get to pretend that it’s not their rotten hearts that are at the root of the problem

  21. Regina on February 17, 2014 at 10:30

    I just finished reading an awesome book called The End Of My Addiction by Olivier Ameisen, M.D. I can’t recommend it enough. It is the memoir of a doctor who hopelessly struggled with severe alcoholism and he holds nothing back. He, so importantly, broke taboos and blows the lid off.. You can’t put the book down because his life is a gripping rollercoaster. In the end, he does use a pill called Baclofen. But the book really isn’t about that. It’s about anxiety really. When you have physiological anxiety and you simply can’t get away from it. I remember Ledger’s last interview with Charlie Rose. He’s imploring everyone to listen to how exhausted he is and his tormenting insomnia.
    I did want to ask Richard about the mechanism of Baclofen. It’s a “muscle relaxer” and mainly a GABA agonist. There’ that word butyric acid again. I have noted that since starting RS with probiotics, my afternoon anxiety has gone away. And when I am hit with external crappy news, I just think ‘darn, this sucks.’ I no longer FEEL the bad news. I just HEAR the bad news. No tension. I just think of the steps I need to do if I can fix the new challenge. I’d like to read more studies on neurotransmitter modulation with SFCA because maybe these deep anxieties and addictions can be relieved by increasing SCFA in the colon. That this increases brain GABA?? and relieves our reward mechanisms?? Thx.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 23:21


      It is almost difficult for me to write about what the combo of RS and the SBO probiotics are doing, and I’m only 2 weeks into the SBOs. It’s because it’s so across the board, affecting everything. I laughed at the idea of the SBOs because I had tried probiotics many times, never noticed a thing. This took 4 days, if that, and each day since is and improvement. I don’t know when it will top out.

      When it does, I suppose I’ll have to write about it.

    • Regina on February 18, 2014 at 09:06

      I’m so glad I stumbled down the FTA rabbit hole.

    • Karen on February 18, 2014 at 11:28

      I guess I need to order the suggested SBOs tonight. I spent nearly 4 weeks in the hospital over the holidays for treatment of a saddle pulmonary embolism and then an infection in my right lung that required surgery. The drs put me on several antibiotics for weeks which I continued for another 2 weeks after I got home (IVs). I’m really out of shape, anemic (2-3 IVs in hospital for this), healing well but still sore (yeah, I probably pushed it), will be on blood thinners for a few months, and I get tired but sleep is a bit restless. I’ve been doing store bought probiotics & RS but have had minimal ‘response’. My gut biome was slaughtered. And I’m still fat. It looks like I need to get the anemia gone & the gut biome restored before tackling the weight loss again.

    • gabriella kadar on February 18, 2014 at 11:57

      Karen, go slow. You’ve got other medical issues going on. 1/4 capsule per day first. See how you feel. Don’t overload your system suddenly with foreign bacteria.

      I don’t know what Grace would say about this. She needs to chime in.

      Grace, where are you???

    • gabriella kadar on February 18, 2014 at 12:53

      Karen, also, life threatening health emergencies involving surgery also knock out the thyroid gland for a while. So if you are feeling tired, that’s part of it. Do not expect to feel like yourself for about 6 months to 1 year. The thyroid will kick in, but there’s a whole cascade of hormones that get out of whack at the same time. All of these need to re-calibrate as you recover. Mother nature in her wisdom slows us down.

    • Karen on February 18, 2014 at 20:59

      Thanks, Gabriella. I will take it slow with the SBOs. Guess I was extra frustrated today as it has been 6 weeks since surgery and the 8″ incision that runs from my boob diagonally up my back is developing some ‘nice’ scarring under it and was bothering me all day. Muscles around it pull and get pulled and something is always sore. At least I’m taking the stairs up (1 flight) at work. Both lungs seem to have good capacity despite a small abscessed part being removed from the right one. The right one (no duh) pulls on all the sore muscle/ligaments. Nerves were cut and I have numb sections that also hurt! I realize it will be awhile until a return to more normalcy will happen and I am abundantly aware that I’m damn lucky to be alive. However, I’m still going to push to get out and show my dogs in conformation, so will start doing some short ‘jogs’ and work up from there. 🙂

  22. Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 10:41

    Regina’s comments remind me of the crucial difference in processing/validating thoughts. All thought is autonomic like breathing.

    One could say “I am sad”.

    Or one could say “There is sadness”.

    The first is misidentification, while the latter is 3rd person observation. The latter is not the voice of ego. Guess which process is more productive?

    All credit due to Eckhart Tolle

    Woodchuck Pirate
    aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

  23. Regina on February 17, 2014 at 11:47

    Yeah Woodchuck. Someone close to me has alcoholism and was diagnosed with bipolar. (the latter of which I don’t understand at all). I have noted that this person and other alcoholics I know are hyper-sensitive to any perceived criticism and take things in very personally instead of objectively — and inturn take it out on themselves with self-medication. (but some of that can be what Richard is getting at. The shaming instead of open dialogue to understand).
    The End Of My Addiciton book really helped me understand my friend and feel greater empathy for this imprisonment he/she feels. But maybe there is a nutritional way to mimic what the Baclofen drug does. Re-composing the entie body’s communication and signaling systems. Thx.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 12:18

      I’ve met so many people diagnosed as bipolar, as well as other labels. I plead ignorance and recognize I’m not going to find much answer in applying objectivity to subjective theories at the heart of their diagnosis. Alcoholism must be as popular as ever, although I’m equally ignorant of “alcoholism” as a disease. I can’t or won’t make the shared leap of faith in diagnosis by label.

      I have very strong suspicion that the human body is extremely intricate specifically to react against toxic chemicals. I perceive that the human body has retrenchment levels of operation where doctors may scribble in case notes describing external observations as evidence supporting their view that the condition is being “managed well”. In reality the opportunity cost of primitive psychiatry practiced in homogenous faith such as the lithium treatment implemented in past years may be getting increasingly more dangerous. I know people who were prescribed xanax to help them stop smoking only to gain a vicious addiction to the drug. I have come to suspect that more people are trapped and washed away with “medicine” than have ever been helped. It’s a plain shame.

      The social environment, coupled with sociopath saturation in the medical monopolies is threatening the youth like never before. Talk about a generation dying from a thousand cuts. The last person I would trust if I were young would be a grey haired doctor.

      I’m glad you found success in reading a book. Words will always be better signposts toward truth than pills. Hopefully you will continue to share dialogue with folks you know that are self-medicating. Pills and booze don’t share dialogue. Hunter S. Thompson said “You can never turn your back on a drug”, but people always do.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

  24. Sigus on February 17, 2014 at 12:30


    I have a similar story to yours. I experience a back injury that led to excruciating pain which accompanied me day and night for months. Suicide was contemplated. However, I chose not to consummate the thoughts with action. Nevertheless, the injury led me to question most of my presuppositions about life, excruciating pain will do that.

    The realization that started developing was how judgmental and arrogant I had been. Life’s experiences are unique to each individual. It is so easy to get involved in the constant patterns of judgment and labeling. Each person among us experiences life in a unique and personal way. It is our opportunity as human beings to alleviate suffering ,Either our own or another’s, wherever possible. Judgment is not part of the healing process.

    People do irrational things for reasons that seem rational to them at the time. Once one figures out how to alleviate pain and make decisions rationally, instead of just reacting arbitrarily based on past experience. It is ones choice to help others do the same.

    The problem with suffering is that it’s universal. Pop culture icons are not insulated from the pains of humanity.

  25. Regina on February 17, 2014 at 12:51

    I agree with everything you’ve said Woodchuck.

    I didn’t find success in reading that book. I’m desperately trying to help my friend and suspected that part of the problem is the puritanical shaming, the lack of open dialogue and for sure, those grey haired doctor’s unholy relationship with big pharma to “manage” their “diagnoses.” The book helped me understand what alcoholism is. I still have no idea what “bipolar” is and hate that doctors would just throw that label out based on behavioural observation. I think it’s outrageous, creates further, far reaching addictions and paranoia and desperation for the patient.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 13:10


      You may not have found satisfaction, but success is synergistic. In philosophy I remember Ayn Rand recommended individuals read the words of those who attacked reason and individualism. In my financial career I became licensed to sell insurance products so that I would have equal footing to expose insurance sale reps as criminals when they pitched whole life insurance as an investment. I never sold a whole life insurance product in my life. I continually scrutinize all collective action to expose elements of altruism practiced sacrificing the individual to collective. One must cut through culture with a machete if one hopes to find any valid philosophical value in it. Failure to find and use valid philosophy is what comprises the rank and file. I quit looking for satisfaction in others decades ago, in favor of success in myself. Someone must preserve the art of living.

      “I am for the living, let the dying bury the dead.” – Amebix

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

  26. Regina on February 17, 2014 at 13:19

    “One must cut through culture with a machete if one hopes to find any valid philosophical value in it.”
    That’s a good one.
    My aikido Sensei (who is also a Zen monk) used to scream “Cut Through!” at us.

  27. Woodchuck Pirate on February 17, 2014 at 13:35

    My son competed representing Pennsylvania, in national tournament of Tae Kwon Do in Cincinnati, OH when he was a kid. He beat Oregon State Champ and lost by split decision to California champ. It was single elimination and he was finished with one defeat. California champ took the tournament. He learned a lot from the sport and core disciplines. Now 34 years old he is very helpful in sending me recommendations of folks I should read about. He has his mother’s capacity for love and my vicious appetite for truth. He is much more prepared for the future than I ever will be.

    “Cut through!” I like that, and it would make a good chorus.

    Enjoy your day.

    Woodchuck Pirate
    aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

  28. Richard Nikoley on February 17, 2014 at 14:19

    [posted prior to reading comments posted after about 11pm PST last night]

    OK folks. Wow. Bingo, I guess. 55 comments and last I saw, it was just a few. Because of the demands of the book, I shut all email and social media before bedtime and don’t open them until satisfied with my progress for the next day and so here it is, from 7am – 2pm, and I’m just getting involved.

    I woke up slightly regretting the post, figuring it would be a gauntlet of slam—something I used to try to create, but now not so much. Looks like I touched a tender nerve on various levels instead, and just by the most cursory skimming people are getting along on their own.

    A couple of points.

    – I intended the post to be ambiguous, in that I purposely mixed literal, deliberate suicide with unintentional early death that’s in some way caused. I had included Hunter S. Thompson in the original draft as an example of the former contrasted with the latter, but deleted it so as to keep my point mysterious or at least, ambiguous.

    – The latter could be regarded in various ways but if one blurs the distinction, a whole host of thinking evolves.

    Consider that we’re all dying from a terminal disease we call birth, or life. Suicide is considered to be a willful ending of it, but it’s more nuanced than that. On the extremes, you have people who do everything in their power to live as long as they can get away with and on the other, someone who successfully ends it at a discreet point.

    In between are most people. Not at extremes, but margins, you have those who care a lot, but they balance it with pure enjoyment of their lives (let’s call it a tiny bit of suicide, hopefully long term) and across the page are those who really don’t care, behave recklessly, and are not much swayed by admonitions of what their risk taking could lead to.d

    Alright, I suppose that gives enough of what I was up to, here.


  29. michael goroncy on February 17, 2014 at 18:28

    It’s all about coping skills!…of which I have little.
    I am of the dwelling and brooding variety that holds a grudge like Ayatollah.

    Had a infarct (heart attack) and CABG at age 38. self inflicted.
    Still smoke and drink like a witch….26 years later…I know, I know.
    Outrageous ‘bio-hacking’ may have kept me kicking……it’s a spooky disease.

    At age 42 had the ‘pleasure’ of encountering my first anxiety/panic attack, which has been relentless ever since. Tried every SSRI known to man and rely on ‘Xanax’ to avoid hysteria.
    I told my ‘shrink’ (20 years ago) I have a name for this fuck’n cunt of a disease “The disease of a thousand deaths” should only have to die once,but, with panic attacks you experience doom every time.

    With physical and mental health in the shithouse, comes financial hardship (in the sense of what your living standard is..not in the global aspect of poverty and hardship). Did I mention that I am a wimp?
    By this stage, you cut yourself off all friends and acquaintances. You become a ‘killjoy’ and people don’t enjoy or feel comfortable in your company….your ‘mojo’ is gone and your vibes are (think of a word).

    This sets the stage for suicidal thoughts. Which entered my head about 20 years ago. Ten years later I was still in the same position. At the time I reflected and thought that I should have ended it and saved myself from misery.

    To be continued:

    The purpose of this post is to share. Although unlikely to help anyone, I am not afraid to put my name to this because I take comfort in knowing that I have done harm to anybody in my life either financially, physically or mentally.

  30. Troels on February 18, 2014 at 04:23

    I have done some thinking about ideas of rational suicide, and though I don’t know how everyone else feels about it, it can seem to me like staying alive almost has some sacred value when comparing the way it is talked about with the thought of suicide as something that one can choose to do and which is understandable.
    I think that suicide is not a matter of dying or not dying, it is a matter of dying now or dying later, and if life is crap and it is improbable that things will brighten then it makes sense to call it a day, so to speak.

    Perhaps difference in beliefs about whether dying is the end of it all will have something to say. If people think that their life has a role or significance on some greater divine scene, then it may make sense to think differently about suicide.

    When people talk about suicide, it can seem like the occurrence of suicide is some crime against the cosmos, as something that must be prevented. I don’t know, maybe I should rather interpret it as ‘We’d be really sad if this person were to kill him-/herself, so we’re going to try to prevent it’.
    I do think it would be saddening, though, if suicide were more accepted and people would not treat it as a big deal if someone chose not to be here anymore.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 20:05

      In the USA the federal government created a medical monopoly by carving out exceptions to the Sherman & Clayton acts. This monopoly will destroy the USA in every sense of the word.

      Karl Denninger has written extensively on the matter for years. He discusses it here:

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 07:52

      I can offer two frames to study for anyone willing to benchmark their decision-making to valid philosophy.

      1) Abortion – If one accepts that an individual must have sovereignty over their own body, then a woman’s body is not a venue for initiating government force. It appears logical fallacy to insist there is a collective answer based upon valid philosophy to defend the fetus from a mother’s decision to remove it. The responsibility of the fetus is harbored within the sovereignty of the mother’s individual body, not a collective venue. While advocates of collectivism stereotypically invoke pragmatism (aversion to principle) to create a venue of the woman’s body, doing so establishes precedent which supports in kind rationalization (or ir-rationalization) that the venue affords the state equal power and responsibility to remove a fetus from a woman’s body per collectivist goals. Collectivist goals are cultural events most often devoid of valid philosophy, invoked through democratic altruistic action sacrificing individuals to the collective. If individuals do not have sovereignty over their own body, then the non-aggression principle does not exist. It is logical fallacy to insist that collectivism can achieve better outcome through invalid philosophy implemented through aversion to principle, than to recognize the sovereignty of a woman’s body. I do not advocate abortion. I do not label abortion a right. I do not embrace collectivism to petition the brute force of government to initiate force against individuals in order to fund abortions. I do not embrace collective ego in labeling myself pro-life or pro-choice, as there appears no monopoly on valid philosophy within either collective. I recognize logical fallacy at the heart of the matter and reject faith that every problem has a collective solution. The core truth of individualism is supported by the existence of problems and responsibilities that are exclusively within the individual venue. Otherwise individualism does not exist. Altruism says individualism does not exist.

      quote snipped:
      The word “altruism” (French, altruisme, from autrui: “other people”, derived from Latin alter: “other”) was coined by Auguste Comte, the French founder of positivism, in order to describe the ethical doctrine he supported. He believed that individuals had a moral obligation to renounce self-interest and live for others. Comte says, in his Catéchisme Positiviste [1], that:
      [The] social point of view cannot tolerate the notion of rights, for such notion rests on individualism.

      2) Suicide – If one accepts that an individual has sovereignty over one’s own body then one accepts an individual’s right to commit suicide. If one does not accept that an individual has sovereignty over their own body then the non-aggression principle does not exist. Collective action intended to stop suicide, or promote suicide, intersects, and-or can only be implemented, through force. It is initiation of force to attempt establishment of an individual’s body as government venue, instead of defending individual sovereignty. If individuals do not have sovereignty over their own body, then the non-aggression principle does not exist.

      If collectivism exists predominately to violate the non-aggression principle, then collectivism is predominately practicing altruism. Predominate practice of altruism establishes this:

      “Comte says, in his Catéchisme Positiviste [1], that:
      [The] social point of view cannot tolerate the notion of rights, for such notion rests on individualism. ”

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • gabriella kadar on February 18, 2014 at 16:10

      I am not a philosopher.

      I think that suicide is actively doing something opposite to the natural desire to live. It takes a lot of courage to fight, what I believe is our instinct.

      Abortion, on the other hand, is not the same thing at all. I don’t think that women who have an abortion are making an easy choice. But it is not a decision that goes against their instinct to live.

      In Canada we have no law in regards to abortion. I have qualms about people saying things like “I don’t believe in abortion”. It’s not about belief. It’s a medical procedure.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 16:17

      gabriella kadar,

      It’s where the money trail intersects medical procedures that culpability is revealed. There are always lies about the money trail but the money trail never lies. If collective force is initiated against individuals in order to fund abortions, then the non-aggression principle is violated. Collective force initiated is never devoid of belief.

      Enjoy your evening.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 16:39

      “I don’t think that women who have an abortion are making an easy choice.”

      But suicide is?

    • gabriella kadar on February 18, 2014 at 16:51

      No. “It takes a lot of courage.” That’s what I wrote.

      It is possible that women in places like Eastern Europe who had no access to birth control but had many abortions, may have eventually viewed the procedure as nothing but a nuisance. The subject has come up in conversation with several women of my acquaintance who lived through this. These women were married, had children but knew that circumstance precluded the raising of more due to economic and housing constraints. So, I don’t know for sure if these abortions were difficult for them. I assume, since decades after the events, their need to talk about it might indicate that it was traumatic.

      But like I wrote, I’m not a philosopher. I do listen to what people tell me. I can’t always intrude on them to ask questions. I just let them talk. That is probably enough. I cannot know for sure.

    • gabriella kadar on February 18, 2014 at 16:54

      I do, however, think there is a difference between suicide and assisted death. The decision is made in both cases. But depending on how assisted death is administered, it can or cannot be a personal act. The situations where people swallow lots of pills which will end their life is more suicidal, even if provided by a healthcare practitioner, than the I.V. administration of drugs by someone else (as is done in Switzerland, for example).

    • gabriella kadar on February 18, 2014 at 17:02

      Woodchuck, I am a simple person. I don’t understand what you wrote. Can you write it in a way that philosophically anemic me can understand?

      Just because I’ve read the work of philosophers does not mean that this all comes naturally to me. My office manager’s sister is doing a PhD in philosophy. I’m all full of whatever is illogical and irrational and nonsensical according to the verbiage spouted at me.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 17:16

      “No. “It takes a lot of courage.” That’s what I wrote.”

      Which I did not address.

      But it’s ok if you’d like to widen the context. I believe I brought up the parallel to abortion. But as per usual, someone always wants to come in and yell that their suffering, or the suffering they’re privy too, is MORE IMPORTANT!

      Whereas, my only point was to draw an analogy to an “it just sucks” decision. And my wider point is that there will alway be judges in society, whether it be a chosen suicide of self, or a chosen killing of a fetus.

      My widest point is that in terms of the decision, it’s none of anyone’s business—not the children of the suicider (see, I didn’t use the word ‘victim’), nor the spouse of the aborter.

      The world would be such a far more wonderful place if everyone simply minded their own fucking business, and if, should one have something to say as I did about those losses above, to couch it in terms of learning something from it and that’s all.

      I have no fucking idea of what Hoffman “should have done,” and the mere suggestion of even implication of it makes me want to toss stuff. It was his life. He spent it. Too bad, but he spent it.

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 17:29

      gabriella kadar,

      I’m attempting to grasp your differentiation in describing something as “more suicidal”. Are you implying that the more clinical suicide is made, the more respectful it is? I have a business/marketing background and I’m not trying to be smart ass, but I have a natural inclination to see the clinical cash-flow as product differentiation. I’ve never advocated forcing doctors to perform euthanasia. I’ve never impeded their attempt to “sell” euthanasia to the retail customer (individual not government). I suspect the concept of selling euthanasia in bulk contracts to government, is a prescription for genocide. A bit of computer hacking can facilitate the government’s elimination of millions of useless eaters. There is no outrage in the USA anymore as the entitlement checks buy silence.

      I refused to work in hospitals per the profit sharing benefit compensation package that included profit by abortion. I’ve never found government sanction of a cash-flow to yield magical properties to avoid my culpability. I’ve never advocated forcing every gynecologist to participate in abortions in order to procure medical certification.

      The common battle ground between suicide and abortion in the USA appears to be government initiating force against individuals in order to fund abortions, and establish euthanasia after the single payer system replaces failed Obamacare. I am committed to maintaining my withdrawal of consent and participation with both. Neither would I intentionally leave my suicide in the hands of someone else.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 17:41

      gabriella kadar,

      I have no right to initiate force against individuals.

      I reject initiation of force against me.

      I reject any and all attempts to force me to participate in the initiation of force against individuals.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • gabriella kadar on February 18, 2014 at 17:43

      I don’t think we disagree.

      I don’t yell. Perhaps you were referring to someone else?

      It’s unfortunate for me, perhaps, that I look at situations from different points of view. They may not be legitimate from any other’s individual perspective. I can only live in my own head. Like I wrote, I’m not a philosopher and do not ever consider that I ask the questions. I don’t. I just listen. Doing a directed interview requires some conscious decision making. Oftentimes I think that maybe I should ask. It’s just not in my nature. These are not ‘did you get whatever blood test taken’ type questions. I’m just practical and not philosophical. Just as I’m not interested in the cosmos. I am a very limited human being.

      Dr. Donald Lowe, head of infectious diseases at Mt. Sinai hospital in Toronto died of a brain tumour. He made a very compelling plea prior to his death in regards to assisted suicide. It made a big blip in the news cycle and then it disappeared. He was not availed of the option he desired for himself.

      There’s all sorts of ethics people, like Margaret Somerville at McGill University, who have some very firm positions about euthanasia and abortion. I think it’s easier to take a position when it’s not your life on the line. Not your suffering. It’s all talk talk talk.

      I don’t have a problem with acknowledging that each one of us has the right to do as we choose or feel necessary. But I also acknowledge the huge impact these decisions and actions have on others.

      As an aside: I think there is also a difference between not wanting to live anymore and wanting to die.

    • gabriella kadar on February 18, 2014 at 17:49

      Okay, I think I get it.

      People, regardless of their need or desire should not be forced to do something they find abhorrent. Whether the doctor who does not want to perform abortions or the woman who is denied the abortion. Is that what you are conveying?

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 18:04

      gabriella kadar,

      I’m not disagreeing with your conclusion, but I return focus to the words “do not initiate force against individuals”.

      I do not accept the initiation of force against an individual (me) in order to fund planting a tree. It doesn’t have to be an abhorrent act that is the goal of forcing me to participate in. I reject the initiation of force against individuals entirely.

      The rejection of initiating force against individuals is my benchmark to determine if philosophy is valid. It’s a process of elimination that eliminates virtually all “philosophers” from valid philosophy.

      I apologize for any confusion.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • gabriella kadar on February 18, 2014 at 18:26

      Okay Woodchuck, I think I now really get it: taxation. Or am I wrong again?

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 18:57

      gabriella kadar,

      If I don’t pay what the government decides I owe in taxes, the government will show up with guns to initiate force against me. Every law is a loaded gun. Most taxes are used to initiate force against individuals.

      We have minimized our earned income in order to minimize taxes paid. This is a 100% legal way of resisting the tyranny of government that is initiating force against individuals. I do not vote. I have withdrawn my consent and participation from government.

      Because our income is so small, I legally no longer have to file tax returns. I could “legally” file tax returns and get a refund larger than I paid in, combined with gov’t “benefits” such as heating assistance etc. I reject the government’s offer to steal someone else’s money and give it to me. I could easily apply for social security disability benefits and collect more than $1,000 per month tax free plus medicaid benefits. Doing so would eliminate me from estate recovery strategy that the government is attempting to trap me into now. I reject the government’s offer to steal someone else’s money and give it to me.

      I will not initiate force against individuals. I survived a stolen childhood of abuse, and if I learned anything it’s to know the difference between right and wrong. A majority does not have any right to initiate force against individuals.

      Yes you appear to understand me clearly. I don’t think you were wrong. I did not mean to imply you were wrong. I simply am committed to practicing valid philosophy to the “nth degree” (infinity).

      Thank you for your questions.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

    • gabriella kadar on February 18, 2014 at 19:38

      Like this:

      Where, if only women at risk were to undergo routine mammography, the ‘money trail’ would not support the cost of the equipment and all the people associated with the service. So instead they allow women to go through a couple of weeks of trauma and freakout until the biopsy indicates nothing. It’s an ethical dilemma. But dollars trump ethics in this case.

      My tax dollars are being used to coerce and frighten women into going through this procedure multiple times in their lives. Meanwhile, the types of breast cancer which killed in 1960 are still killing today, no change.

      I refuse to be part of this industry. Same with the colonoscopy industry. People should just eat raw potato starch and psyllium. Stop the crap SAD stuff and boost their health instead of looking for something wrong all the time.

      The truly crazy thing in Canada is that they are not utilizing the DNA shit testing available in Europe. It is probably more accurate in asymptomatic people than a colonoscopy. But then all it would take is $200 bucks in a doctor’s office. It would not require an anaesthesiologist, a GI guy and nurses. What a primitive, intrusive, life disrupting activity. Most people have nothing going on and the cancer patients I know were self reported. All were noticing problems way before the colonoscopy was used. Same with breast cancer: most are self reported.

      I can’t even get a shit test kit. They can be obtained in the US. There’s all this government-industry hand in glove bullshit going on all over the place. And my hard earned money is being sucked out of my pocket to fund it.

      Unfortunately people have been taught to not think for themselves and figure out benefit/risk. They go like sheep for something they don’t require.

    • Richard Nikoley on February 18, 2014 at 21:03


      That mammography article is surprising scathing and refreshing at the same time, given mainstream source. Perhaps a harbinger. Every woman should be sent that article. I always though titty squeezing was dumb.

      As to colorectal, what ever happened to the test strips you could drop in the toilet and that would turn color if blood was present. Then, you go get a tube up your butt.

    • gabriella kadar on February 19, 2014 at 02:42

      Here they give people a package to do three shit smears on a card. But that’s only for blood. Lots of tumours and polyps don’t bleed.

      The German DNA testing for polyps and cancer is the shits! With that, the number of colonoscopies would dive. Someone’s income would dive too.

  31. John on February 18, 2014 at 07:52

    While at law school, I studied 2 cases in crim law that both make me angry, but when compared, infuriate me.

    A man was lying on his deathbed in a hospital in constant agony. He repeatedly begged his son to end his suffering. Eventually, his son ended the man’s life (shooting), and left the room sobbing about how he didn’t want to, but he couldn’t take his father’s suffering any longer, hysterical about how hard it was to do but he had to do it. Murder requires act + intent. He killed his father with intent thus was convicted of murder. Also, first degree murder because it was premeditated. State v. Forrest.

    In another case a man’s girlfriend beat his six year old son causing abdominal rupturing. The man sees bruising, so knows his child has been beaten. The next day, the man beats the child more because the child wouldn’t get out of bed (the neighbor testified to loud thuds, with pleas from the child to stop), until the child’s abdomen became swollen and the man’s girlfriend told him to take the child to the hospital. Instead, the man goes out to get a newspaper, and when he comes home the girlfriend is taking the child to the hospital. The child died on the way to the hospital. Both are convicted of manslaughter (not murder (no intent)). The man’s manslaughter conviction was reversed, though, since there wasn’t sufficient proof besides the great infliction of pain that his beating the child accelerated the death blow caused by the girlfriend. Oxendine v. State.

    The manifestation of nonsensical values into convoluted broad stroke rules.

  32. Woodchuck Pirate on February 18, 2014 at 08:51

    37 years of the universal conversation,
    captured in two songs.

    “Vincent (Starry, Starry Night)”- by Don McLean

    Starry, starry night
    Paint your palette blue and gray
    Look out on a summer’s day
    With eyes that know the darkness in my soul

    Shadows on the hills
    Sketch the trees and the daffodils
    Catch the breeze and the winter chills
    In colors on the snowy linen land

    Now I understand
    What you tried to say to me
    And how you suffered for your sanity
    And how you tried to set them free

    They would not listen, they did not know how
    Perhaps they’ll listen now

    Starry, starry night
    Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
    Swirling clouds in violet haze
    Reflect in Vincent’s eyes of china blue

    Colors changing hue
    Morning fields of amber grain
    Weathered faces lined in pain
    Are soothed beneath the artist’s loving hand

    Now I understand
    What you tried to say to me
    And how you suffered for your sanity
    And how you tried to set them free

    They would not listen, they did not know how
    Perhaps they’ll listen now

    For they could not love you
    But still your love was true
    And when no hope was left in sight
    On that starry, starry night

    You took your life, as lovers often do
    But I could’ve told you Vincent
    This world was never meant for
    One as beautiful as you

    Starry, starry night
    Portraits hung in empty halls
    Frame-less heads on nameless walls
    With eyes that watch the world and can’t forget

    Like the strangers that you’ve met
    The ragged men in ragged clothes
    The silver thorn of bloody rose
    Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

    Now I think I know
    What you tried to say to me
    And how you suffered for your sanity
    And how you tried to set them free

    They would not listen, they’re not listening still
    Perhaps they never will

    Misanthropy Pure – by Shai Hulud

    This will read as a plea to vindicate intolerance as surely as it is written.

    Contempt born of clear perception is a birthright to those who channel it toward progression.

    Preserve life without loathing.
    Awaken hope within hatred.
    Wrest insight from outrage.

    This is a birthright and obligation.

    Spiteful and ill-tempered, I know the character well…
    A maelstrom of weakness, and instability seething with viciousness.
    I choose not to accept this;
    Not into my life.
    There is no hope of reform.
    When pride is allied with hostility, all reason is denied.
    I return the denial.

    A glaring misconception of self-importance, I know the character well…
    Heedless fool, so arrogant with no understanding of consequence.
    I see this negligence.
    I choose not to accept it;
    Not into my life.
    Absence of introspection neglects the outer world.
    Let not the excess of lusts and comfort mislead you.
    This world is not yours.

    Feel the quarrel in just his presence, you know the character all too well…
    A destructive man at war with his cowardice.
    I detest belligerence, and choose not to accept it;
    Not into my life.
    Keep separate these hatreds.
    Undefined animosity is a device of the spineless, the means of a fool.
    Focused misanthropy is opposition for these dark hearts-
    Downpours of disapproval no words could begin to express.

    To distort the truth to serve itself,
    To oppose understanding,
    I believe in man.
    Man will maintain its hostility.
    Have this faith.

    Conflict in the chest.
    To be concerned for the needs of such heartless men.

    Woodchuck Pirate
    aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

  33. Woodchuck Pirate on February 19, 2014 at 10:54

    gabriella kadar,

    A memory arrived this morning of you being in Canada.

    I’ve been haunted 6 months by a song visiting me while I work on my kitchen project.
    I’ve been collecting pics of my work intending to create a video of my work when completed.
    I like music to enhance my videos and hadn’t given much thought on song selection.
    This house is more than a hundred years old. We raised our children in it,
    and many children must have danced here before them.
    Finally this song has evolved from haunting words to full dialogue.
    It has come to remind me of everything my wife and I have, which
    is exactly what Alicia Ross was denied.
    Here is a youtube of Kathleen Edwards performing her song “Alicia Ross”.

    I’ve accepted that I will erect a page on my website to give voice to Alicia Ross.
    A video of work done by my hands will always remind me of interconnectedness.
    Wikipedia reveals the unconsciousness of the universal police state, established and
    funded by violating the non-aggression principle. Wiki’s “Alicia Ross” page speaks to the
    willingness of folks to secure themselves inside the majority against individuals.
    Here is a link to the wikipedia page chronicling the story of Alicia Ross.

    The universal conversation evolved well in Richard’s blog post, exposing tentacles
    of the dysfunction manifest from violating the non-aggression principle. Entitlement
    mentality always accompanies initiating force against individuals. Entitlement
    mentality always responds with faith and denial when called out for their deliberate
    collective dysfunction. Here is a dismissal of collectivists that claim they did not
    consent to Obamacare.

    Reason does not deter collectivists from violating the non-aggression principle, nor
    does it give rise to awakening them to their culpability. That’s only because Collectivists
    reject reason. In rejecting reason, collectivists create endless dysfunction.
    It is irrational to seek their conversion. They have no interest in the simple reality
    of knowing lies. They are committed to lie. Here is a link where Karl Denninger
    discusses the dysfunction of Obamacare which requires universal pregnancy coverage,
    including pregnancy coverage for men.

    There are always lies about the money trail, but the money trail never lies.
    Collectivists such as the anonymous “Mr Dave” have secured themselves in dumbness
    clinging to entitlement mentality and lies. One can only chuckle at the faith in
    dysfunction as “Mr Dave”, stares at legal magic that finally secures his right
    to have his ovaries checked and force someone else to pay the bill. What a victory
    for magical thinking and the rejection of reason everywhere. What should “Mr Dave”
    do next?

    Woodchuck Pirate
    aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

  34. Woodchuck Pirate on February 19, 2014 at 14:31


    Perhaps you have heard about this local event? The extended resume is impressive, and dispels myths.

    Professor died after heroin use
    Witness: SUNY Broome’s Warren took four lines of drug before Feb. 9 death

    Woodchuck Pirate
    aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

  35. […] My Toronto friend and superstar FTA commenter for years, Dr. Gabriella Kadar, DDS, alerted commenters to this, last evening. […]

  36. Dr. Curmudgeon Gee on February 19, 2014 at 23:07

    @woodchuck pirate,

    pain is not comparable. but maybe it should be “suffering is not comparable.”

    thanks for sharing,

    stay well,

    • Woodchuck Pirate on February 20, 2014 at 01:04

      Dr. Curmudgeon Gee,

      Thank you for the well wishing. I’ve learned to settle for wisdom and call myself lucky. Equity does not appear to be a core element of the human condition. Suffering is not comparable, and I hope it never is. Enjoy your day.

      Woodchuck Pirate
      aka Raymond J Raupers Jr USA

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