How To Make a Paleo Compliant Bong

One thing’s for sure. Paloman didn’t “smelt” glass or refine petroleum products into plastic.

So, I have solved this little dilemma, for all you paleo fans who’re herb agnostic.

Back a year or so ago, when I flew for Page, I got introduced to something that I think: is totally Paleo.

Here’s the recipe:

  • Grow your own marijuana, or obtain from an organic, local source.
  • Take a pinch of the flower bud
  • Get an apple
  • Get a screwdriver

1. Get all your shit together.

IMG 2731
Feces Consolidation Maneuver

2. Use the Screwdriver to bore in from the top and then, meet the shaft from a bored, horizontal tunnel. Blow or suck and chew, according to preference but at the end, you need a contiguous shaft and tunnel channel.

IMG 2732
Ready for mining

3. Place the fresh, organic, locally sourced herb just at the top of the apple. Because it’s paleo, it comes with advantages that glass, plastic and dried, cleverly fashioned wood do not. It has wet fiber, lots of moisture, and burns sweet.

IMG 2733
Like That

4. Draw gently. As you do, apple fiber desiccates, serves as the sort of screen you’d have in a glass or wood pipe.  Moreover, the relative coolness and sweet imparted by the gentle smoking of the apple serves as surrogate for the glass or plastic bong—without the bong water!

Alright. Just another recipe for the paleo peeps.

Richard Nikoley

I'm Richard Nikoley. Free The Animal began in 2003 and as of 2021, contains 5,000 posts. I blog what I wish...from health, diet, and food to travel and lifestyle; to politics, social antagonism, expat-living location and time independent—while you sleep—income. I celebrate the audacity and hubris to live by your own exclusive authority and take your own chances. Read More


  1. Dave on November 10, 2014 at 12:55

    Fucking brilliant! lol

  2. Sam on November 10, 2014 at 14:50

    Nice Richard.

    Have you ever utilized the sun as your source of ignition??
    It is what is referred to as solar blazing-on a summer day you concentrate the suns rays on your bowl with a magnifying glass-one of the cleanest tasting hits of pot I have ever experienced. with your pipe of choice.
    Highly recommended 🙂

  3. Richard Nikoley on November 10, 2014 at 15:04

    “Have you ever utilized the sun as your source of ignition??”

    Hilarious. I have lit plant matter on fire, but it was as a kid, with dry leaves and magnifying glass (not of the same plant genus or species :).

    OK, I’m curious.

  4. Geoff on November 10, 2014 at 17:33

    When I was working in the restaurant business nigh on 25 years ago, a few of the line cooks and I tried something similar with the large, fibrous carrots our produce supplier loved delivering. A little temperamental to carve and probably not as sweet or cool as an apple, but those carrot “peace pipes” were surprisingly durable.

  5. Beans McGrady on November 10, 2014 at 17:46

    Both the carrot and apple pipe are things that I believe every young stoner discovers independently.
    Hundreth Monkey kind of thing.
    Goes along with the beer can, bic pen, bible page, any goddamn thing you can find to hold the screen from the faucet. . . and all the rest.
    Now, the magnifying glass thing. . . that is sexy.

  6. Bay Area Sparky on November 10, 2014 at 20:10

    Looking forward to the blog post where you instruct us on using a grapefruit heated over campfire to vape with.

  7. Gina on November 11, 2014 at 09:50

    This reminds me of a good time had at a long-ago Austin City Limits Music Festival. An old hippy offered me hits of his “tasty Northern California bud” from his apple. It was, in fact, tasty.

  8. Sam on December 24, 2014 at 22:04

    I love Herb. I used to smoke it everyday for stress issues and cognitive enhancement, but I think it has contributed to an imbalance to gut flora. Also SIBO.

    I am battling SIBO and I was doing better(wasn’t smoking weed) then I started again and my SIBO symptoms came back full flare.

    My guess is that it dehydrates the body, dehydrating the bowels first. Killing the gut microbes in the body. I think if I use the herb again it will be through edibles.

    But if you do not have issues, TOKE ON!

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