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Getting Stoned On Peat For the Ultimate Rapid Body Recomposition

I’ve kept this latest self experiment under wraps for some months. In truth, it’s perhaps what’s most responsible for my reasonable body composition improvement recently.

It was some months ago I was up at my vacation home in Arnold, CA, and found myself driving by this encampment of bikers all sitting around, appearing to be smoking something. I stopped to inquire, admire the bikes, that sort of thing.

They were smoking Peat.

Peat (turf) is an accumulation of partially decayed vegetation or organic matter that is unique to natural areas called peatlands or mires.[1][2] The peatland ecosystem is the most efficient carbon sink on the planet[2] because peatland plants capture the CO2 which is naturally released from the peat maintaining an equilibrium. In natural peatlands the “annual rate of biomass production is greater than the rate of decomposition” but it takes “thousands of years for peatlands to develop the deposits of 1.5 to 2.3 m, which is the average depth of the boreal peatlands”.[2] One of the most common components is Sphagnum moss, although many other plants can contribute. Soils that contain mostly peat are known as a histosol. Peat forms in wetland conditions, where flooding obstructs flows of oxygen from the atmosphere, slowing rates of decomposition.[3]

But this wasn’t just any Peat. First, these guys have a biker club (Sons of Peat) with a chapter in Scotland (Musky Original) where this very special Peat is obtained via—it’s rumored—special ties with the Irish Republican Sphagnums. Second, smoking this Peat gets you pretty Stoned and it’s tradition to sit around singing Scottish folk music while passing the Peatpipe. …Yea, everyone lafs when you say ‘Peatpipe,’ especially if you do a Joaquin Phoenix impersonation.

But that’s not even the most interesting thing about this secretive tradition. The Peat has to be harvested only after exposure to the proper Rays of sun, until it obtains a precise temperature of 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit—and you harvest immediately. While some wait until 98.7—or even what’s commonly considered an irresponsibly crazy 98.8—this is not advised for inexperienced Peat-Stoners. This has been dubbed The Schwarzbein Effect. Now, you can hit it or miss it—some are known to just stab a thermometer into the peat at all hours in order to find just the right sweet spot by accident. But those experienced and in the know, understand that sprinkling crystalline refined sugar and salt on the Peat has a profound effect, such that the Rays of the sun magnify upon the Peat and the Shwarzbien “trigger” is reached much more quickly, uniform, and sure.

It’s a far better Stoning. And, perhaps most amazingly is that there’s detectible levels of polyunsaturated fats in the Peat, right up until that trigger is reached, but at which point, they become undetectable.

But I have to tell you. I wasn’t going to reveal any of this until a discovery last Sunday morning that just put the whole thing over the top for me. I whipped up a batch of pancakes, and added some of my Peat stash to the batter. The added effect was unmistakable. I still haven’t sorted it out, but I think a rapid re-heating to something over 98.6 after it has been chilled may have some connection with the gut biome. Perhaps it interacts in ways with other gut foods, such as resistant starch, and so we come full circle.

Of course, more study is needed, but I’m quite optimistic.

UPDATE: That pancake hack really sweetened the deal for me…warm manganese-rich maple syrup & all. But I can’t stand still. So now, all of my two eyes are focussed only upon the eventual potato-pancake hack (potatoes cooked & cooled, of course).

Richard Nikoley

I'm Richard Nikoley. Free The Animal began in 2003 and as of 2021, contains 5,000 posts. I blog what I wish...from health, diet, and food to travel and lifestyle; to politics, social antagonism, expat-living location and time independent—while you sleep—income. I celebrate the audacity and hubris to live by your own exclusive authority and take your own chances. Read More

28 Comments

  1. Greg on April 1, 2015 at 09:09

    I just left Stephen Guyenet’s AFD post straight to this one. His are always good, but I think you win this year. Clever.

  2. Joe on April 1, 2015 at 09:14

    All I can say to that is http://www.tomscott.com/cliff/

  3. Dan Morrison on April 1, 2015 at 09:29

    Happy April Fools Day Richard

  4. rob on April 1, 2015 at 10:12

    I’ve been onto peat for years, I have the federal trademark on “The Peateo Diet.”

  5. sassysquatch on April 1, 2015 at 10:58

    I myself, prefer burning a little Ray Peat with my friends. It is primo!

  6. John on April 1, 2015 at 12:46

    Asshole,
    Peat is
    Rare;
    It won’t
    Last long if everyone burns it.

    Fuck
    Off
    Old
    Loser.
    Screw you.

    • Sassysquatch on April 1, 2015 at 14:48

      Did you skip your meds again John?

    • John on April 1, 2015 at 15:54

      Why does everyone keep asking me that? Normally I’d say no, but today, I’ll say yes!

    • Richard Nikoley on April 1, 2015 at 15:57

      Ha, sassy, don’t you know that turnabout foolishness is fair play?

    • Sassysquatch on April 1, 2015 at 16:17

      I’m a simple man!!

  7. Anthony S. on April 1, 2015 at 14:04

    I tried this. I got nothing. It feels like I inhaled a glass of scotch. Didn’t even get a buzz!!!

  8. John on April 1, 2015 at 14:41

    Yeah, but have you tried the William Brown diet hack? The high sugar, high protein, zero fat diet that supercharges your metabolism, obliterates fatigue, cures migranes, and will eliminate every last gram of PUFA from your system?

  9. Richard Nikoley on April 1, 2015 at 17:00

    BTW, the last link in the post is to Matt Stone’s “Resistance Starch Cleanse” post a year ago today, which I thought was hilarious. He appreciated me being a good sport about it and suggested I get back at him this year, and make it good.

  10. Duck Dodgers on April 1, 2015 at 19:50

    Well, the best Scottish whiskeys get their smokey flavor from drying the damp malt over a peat-heated fire to bring the smoke into the barley grain.

    http://www.whisky.com/information/knowledge/tasting/flavour/peat-and-its-significance-in-whisky.html

    Amazing photos. It’s medicinal too. 🙂

    • Gemma on April 2, 2015 at 01:27

      Duck,

      check karrikin, cyanohydrins and smoke signals. Cool!

    • Duck Dodgers on April 3, 2015 at 20:59

      Incredible find, Gemma. Actual signals to germinating seeds via smoke of burning plants. I can’t imagine how scientists discover these things.

  11. tatertot on April 1, 2015 at 21:29

    Major, major flaws in your thinking, Richard.

    First, all that Peat smoke contains microparticles that will persorb through your lungs, causing embolisms and 2nd degree infarctions. BTW, how much RS is in Peat anyway? Does it have to be cooled or can it be smoked hot? Will Vaping destroy the RS?

    Second, I have been smoking Peat for 3 hours straight and I have gained 18 pounds. Also, I made a batch of gluten free Peat brownies, but I need more. Do you have any? Nevermind, I’ll eat frozen Hot Pockets. Oh, my blood sugar is spiking, too. Do I have GERD or SIBO?

    Third, while the Mexican Coke you have been talking about is perfectly fine for the Peat Stoning, I did put in a call to my friends at the border to check your hubcaps when you motor down to Cabo…we’ll see how you do caged in a Free Country, it’ll be fun! They’ll call you “el Hefe.”

    • Richard Nikoley on April 2, 2015 at 07:44

      Well Tim, in contrast, I had already checked into the persorption issue, not the least of which is because of the new “Pancake Hack.” …Which isn’t even going to be the pancake hack anymore, but the “POTATO-pancake hack.”

      But I was against a self-imposed April 1 deadline to get the post out, so continued hacking will have to come later.

      BTW, I did drop a comment early yesterday on your “healthy, hearty gas” post, but it seems to have turned to vapor.

    • LeonRover on April 2, 2015 at 08:00

      el Hefty

    • Richard Nikoley on April 2, 2015 at 08:20

      “el Hefty”

      It’s all in the biceps.

    • LeonRover on April 3, 2015 at 16:09

      In Brazilian – “el Chesty”, so lift dose Boobs.

  12. Wenchypoo on April 2, 2015 at 06:57

    Now we’re gonna see legislators falling all over themselves to get some sort of regulatory control and/or tax the hell out of a legal product! The Home Depot gardening section won’t ever be the same…

  13. james london on April 2, 2015 at 08:20

    I thought it was already well-known that most of the indigenous people from the Celtic fringes of Britain and Ireland are in a state of constant peatosis.

  14. Richard Nikoley on April 2, 2015 at 08:41

    OK. I dd an edit and now it’s complete and perfect:

    “It’s a far better Stoning. And, perhaps most amazingly is that there’s detectible levels of polyunsaturated fats in the Peat, right up until that trigger is reached, but at which point, they become undetectable.”

    • Gemma on April 2, 2015 at 10:36

      “but at which point, they become undetectable”

      Does that possibly imply… peat-adapted? Or stone-adapted? I am really, really confused! Anyone, with a lot of free time, willing to explain some basic peat-mistry to me?

    • gabkad on April 2, 2015 at 17:09

      Gemma, it is a mistry. 😉

      All those Irish peasants with their peat fires: potatoes and lots of children. I always thought it was because potatoes are nutritious but now I’m wondering maybe it was the peat smoke.

    • Gemma on April 3, 2015 at 00:02

      @Gab

      Check Weston Price, and his observations on Gaelics :

      “The people live in these so-called black houses. These are thatched-roof dwellings containing usually two or three rooms. The walls are built of stone and dirt, ordinarily about five feet in thickness. There is usually a fireplace and chimney, one or two outside doors, and very few windows in the house. The thatch of the roofs plays a very important rôle. It is replaced each October and the old thatch is believed by the natives to have great value as a special fertilizer for their soil because of its impregnation with chemicals that have been obtained from the peat smoke which may be seen seeping through all parts of the roof at all seasons of the year. Peat fires are kept burning for this explicit purpose even when the heat is not needed. This means that enormous quantities of peat are required to maintain a continuous smudge. Some of the houses have no chimney because it is desirable that the smoke leave the building through the thatched roof. Not infrequently smoke is seen rolling out of an open door or open window.

      Since a fundamental part of this study involves an examination of the accumulated wisdom of the primitive racial stocks, it is important that we look further into the matter of the smoked thatch. I was advised by the old residents that a serious conflict existed between them and the health officials who came from outside to their island. The latter blamed the smoke for the sudden development of tuberculosis in acute form, and they insisted that the old procedure be entirely discontinued. For this purpose the government gave very substantial assistance in the building of new and modern homes. The experienced natives contended that the oat crop would not mature in that severe climate without being fertilized with the smoked thatch. While they were willing to move into the new house, they were not willing to give up the smoking of the oat straw used for the thatch to prepare it for fertilizing the ground.”

  15. Richard Nikoley on April 2, 2015 at 08:47

    UPDATE: That pancake hack really sweetened the deal for me…warm manganese-rich maple syrup & all. But I can’t stand still. So now, all of my two eyes are focussed only upon the eventual potato-pancake hack (potatoes cooked & cooled, of course).

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