The Answer To All Of Your Questions Is No

I’m in the Bay Area for the weekend, so got some necessary shopping done today.

  1. Can I have your phone number?
  2. Can I get your zip code?
  3. Do you have a rewards card?
  4. Would you like to sign up and save 10% on your first purchase?
  5. Would you like to provide your email address for special deals and promotions?
  6. Would you like to apply for our charge card and get 15% off your first order?
  7. Would you like cash back?
  8. Would you like to add $1 or any other amount to your purchase to be donated to Awareness of X, Y or Z?
  9. Would you like me to waste more of your time and the time of people standing in line?
  10. Are you having a nice day?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and no.

After standing in line an inordinate amount of time at the first store listening to this barrage for each paying customer in front of me— with half the customers seeming to no longer know how to use a credit or debit card anymore—all my subsequent approaches to the checkout counter in all other stores were prefaced with the following admonition:

“The answer to all of your questions is no. I have X number of items; please calculate what I owe, process my debit card, bag my goods, and I will quickly be on my way. Thank you.”

Richard Nikoley

I'm Richard Nikoley. Free The Animal began in 2003 and as of 2021, contains 5,000 posts. I blog what I wish...from health, diet, and food to travel and lifestyle; to politics, social antagonism, expat-living location and time independent—while you sleep—income. I celebrate the audacity and hubris to live by your own exclusive authority and take your own chances. Read More


  1. poop monster on November 6, 2016 at 16:16

    Laf! Me too. I gave up all rewards programs about 10 years ago.

  2. Barbara on November 6, 2016 at 17:44

    I’ve got one credit card that gives me 1% on everything, 3% on travel, and 5% on gas. Other than that, I’m quoting Meghan Trainor…”My name is NO, my sign is NO, my number is NO, you need to let it go.”

  3. thhq on November 7, 2016 at 05:30

    “So how’s your day going?”

Leave a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Follow by Email8k