High-Protein, Moderate-Fat, Sane Carb Jalapeño Burgers and Mash


You’ll love ’em. Don’t call The Ketotards though (protein too high, fat too low).

So, let’s talk about proper lean/fat ratio for ground beef, per the specific application. Absolutely, if you’re going big juicy-fatties on the grill for your personal burger bar, with fixin’s, 80/20 or just get the fuck out.

However, for tacos, chili, various things like Salisbury steak, meatloaf, or this here, you best go-lean. The fat does nothing to improve the dish. Plus, you get substantially more protein for the weight, as well as the nutrition in the protein compared to zero for the fat by itself.

That’s right. Check it yourself. Isolated fat has no vitamins or minerals. So, if you’re a Ketotard on the “keto diet,” that’s 75%-plus fat, then 3/4 of your moron diet has zero vitamins or minerals. How fucktarded is that?

Moreover, Fat gets in the way of these dishes, often compromising texture and mouth feel. In these cases, the meat is more of a substrate for the various flavors.

So, this is about a pound and a half of raw 93/7. About 1 1/2 large jalapeño peppers minced in the burger, the other half pepper in the sauce. 2 cloves of smashed and minced garlic in both the meat mix and sauce and about a 1/4 cup each of scallions in both as well. Also, about 20 grams grated Parmesan in the burger mix. A better fat add, and it’s not much, and it has dairy nutrition. About a half tsp each of S&P in the mix as well

The sauce is about 3 cups stock (with the stuff in it) reduced to about a cup, and thickened with a rounded tsp of potato starch in a slurry. 3-4 dash-splash of Worcestershire. S&P to taste.

Grill them open flame on high, 5 min per side at that thickness (they’ll be raw inside). Place them in the sauce, flip, spoon over, and cover on low for 6-8 min.

The mash was about 1 1/2 cups taters leftover, reheated, and then a cup of low-fat cottage cheese folded in and reheated gently on indirect heat (move everything to one side of the pot, cover, use the smallest burner on lowest, right at the edge of your pot, opposite your stuff).

Screen Shot 2017-07-08 at 11.57.59 AM

The burger came out to 12.5 oz for me, 8.5 for Bea. The total meal, 110g protein, 30g carb, 44g fat. For Bea: 68g protein, 25g carb, and 30g fat. I’ve had Bea on the high protein deal, logging everything, for about two weeks. Trying to get her to hit 100g protein daily. Consequently, she barely gets in 1,000-1,100 calories, and that includes 150 Chardonnay calories. 🙂 She’s dropped three pounds.


Now, this puts low-protein, jiggling man-boobed Ketotards to fucking shame.


There you go.

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Richard Nikoley

I'm Richard Nikoley. Free The Animal began in 2003 and as of 2021, contains 5,000 posts. I blog what I wish...from health, diet, and food to travel and lifestyle; to politics, social antagonism, expat-living location and time independent—while you sleep—income. I celebrate the audacity and hubris to live by your own exclusive authority and take your own chances. Read More


  1. NZer on July 8, 2017 at 14:38

    Having been on a paleoish/primalish/whole foods approach to eating for last 8 years and reading both your blog and Mark’s Daily Apple throughout this journey (although never as a commenter) I was struck by the stark contrasts in the recipes you and Mark’s Daily Apple posted today. Here we have a sensible whole food meal – Mark (what has got into your head) presents some horrible processed abomination called Ketobread – how the hell is that ‘primal’. I sense my days of reading MDA are coming to an end. Thanks for your commonsense Richard.

    • linkdrop on July 8, 2017 at 16:15
    • Justin Watts on July 9, 2017 at 08:44

      Wow, I haven’t been to Mark’s site in ages. I just looked and everything is Keto, Keto, Keto. It doesn’t surprise me though, Mark is a seasoned businessman. A Whole Foods Diet doesn’t sell product unless you are the farmer.

    • Richard Nikoley on July 9, 2017 at 08:55

      Well, one way to see it is that he may give it the needed push to make it jump the shark, sooner rather than later.

    • Jim on July 10, 2017 at 20:28

      Amazing that MDA has been putting out daily posts for years now. I too hadn’t checked it out for some time. He’s put out an amazming amount of content.

  2. Jo tB on July 9, 2017 at 01:44

    Love the post on minced meat (as the Brits call it). You made a good point on ground beef. I should eat it more, so will be trying out your recipe. It looks delicious on the photos.

  3. Gucci on July 18, 2017 at 10:57

    Hey…appreciating all the recipes and the sane approach to eating (fat as an inherent element of the whole food vs isolating it in exaggerated amounts and downing it).
    I’m wondering if you’ve given up on the potato hack as a viable means of dropping fat without having to worry about calories, etc. It is, admittedly, exceptionally and unrelentingly monotonous. For a foodie like me, the psychological hurdle was steep, as much as it worked very well for me on the occasions that I used it. I’m still tinkering with a way of eating that walks the line between that degree of starkness long-term and actually enjoying food as more than simply furnishing the body with necessary fuel! Cheers.

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