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Common Traits In Women?

Sue Saunders. Photo by the famed “Dirty Ernie” of 1970s EasyRiders fame.

The other day on a private comm channel and just off the top of my head, stream of consciousness, thinking out loud, I quickly wrote:

From experience I think there’s three principle things about the female that apply to most.

1. They are polyamorous. That is, while most will be monogamous, they have the capacity to maintain lightly loving or flirtatious liaisons to keep options open. Strategy.

2. They are a little bit lesbie. They too appreciate the beauty of the female and there is a lowest common denominator element to that. I’d say most females I’ve been with have had some level of sexual same-sex curiosity or experience.

3. They all want to have their cake and eat it too. They are very trade-off averse. They want it all, without having to give up anything.

My long time friend Sue, Hot AF pictured above, had some input about the above and I thought it worthwhile to share with readers. Some of you from way back might remember Sue and her three cave girls I blogged about. We have an update post on that planned soon, the cave girls six years later and man are you not going to believe it (the oldest one is 6′ 2″ tall and stunning).

So here’s Sue replying to me.

From experience I think there’s three principle things about the female that apply to most.

Yep, broad generalizations are really not something in my wheelhouse. I prefer to deal with each human on an individual basis, but I will just leave it at that.

1. They are polyamorous. That is, while most will be monogamous, they have the capacity to maintain lightly loving or flirtatious liaisons to keep options open. Strategy.

Most people I know are ‘poly’ in some form or another. Women may be more inclined to this, but how would I know… most of the time, the women I have observed are more inclined to stick to the side their bread is buttered on and may (or may not) have some orbiters waiting in the wings as a back up plan, BUT the men tend to have some back-up plan as well.

We all do it, perhaps for different reasons, but intellect is a heavy indicator here. Some, male and female, have the presence of mind to consciously keep someone on the hook as a backup plan, but many, especially males, are just exercising some base biological instinct to find the next person to serve as an outlet for physical pleasure.

Some, not many, but some, actually build some emotional/financial/physical long term component into their time-investment back-up person. Most people are just too stupids to have this type of long term goal in mind when selecting those people with whom they are developing a connection.

2. They are a little bit lesbie. They too appreciate the beauty of the female and there is a lowest common denominator element to that. I’d say most females I’ve been with have had some level of sexual same-sex curiosity or experience.

I watched this over and over again, primarily while bartending, but also in general. I am in 100% agreement that this is primarily a female trait. What I have observed and participated in, is that women are not motivated by an appreciation of beauty as a straight up visual stimuli. Except for the young ones, who just think that the whole lipstick-lesbian thing is cool (mainly as an attention-getter aimed at males who are inclined to pay more attention to the girls who are open to this type of thing), more experienced women do this for a totally different reason.

Women – including me – all have a mostly silly inclination towards some romantic connection. A lack of strong male leadership in a committed relationship, or the lack of a relationship with a male at all, will make women prone to forming bonds with others who are of like mind, validate them or feed their egos. Sometimes, that is other women.

As a result, women, and, yes, particularly women, will often seek or accept the intimate company of other women.  Simple curiosity may be a powerful motivator for the less-intellectually-inclined, but with more mature or experienced women, especially women who have some agency and awareness of their own lives – it is simply a matter of forming a bond with any other person and letting physical needs trump more socially acceptable expressions of “love”.

3. They all want to have their cake and eat it too. They are very trade-off averse. They want it all, without having to give up anything.

Here is where I take exception to your assessment… You have characterized me as “trade-off averse”. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I work every day to fight this condition. All Humans Want to Have Their Cake and Eat It Too. I am no exception.

I have a job I despise, yet I recognize that I have to give up respect, autonomy and flexibility in order to have some basic stability in both the short and long term to increase the quality of life for my kids. I am cleaning shit off of walls, and being treated like a throw-away moron by people who couldn’t generate an independent thought to save their own lives, yet, I give up any chance of being respected or valued to provide opportunities for my kids. Yes, it is a trade-off.

I have given up my inclinations to be selfish and seek pleasure, because it would harm my reputation, and subsequently, the ability of my daughters to gain standing in the community.  I have even gone without food when finances weren’t great, in order to provide food for my children. I have swallowed my pride and kept my mouth shut when it was seriously detrimental to my own ego all to be the one an only stable source of knowledge, values, and ethics for my kids and for my friends. These are all trade-offs.

So, I am trade-off averse, I just have the presence of mind and the self-control to know when the trade off is worth it. So, yes, I am trade-off averse, but I am also aware of how my actions affect others.


Well, I must say that I knew that Sue was an exception, at least on point 3. 🙂


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Richard Nikoley

I'm Richard Nikoley. Free The Animal began in 2003 and as of 2021, contains 5,000 posts. I blog what I wish...from health, diet, and food to travel and lifestyle; to politics, social antagonism, expat-living location and time independent—while you sleep—income. I celebrate the audacity and hubris to live by your own exclusive authority and take your own chances. Read More

12 Comments

  1. Martin Archer on April 19, 2018 at 10:52

    Men are stupid, women are insane. All women have some insanity in them, it just depends on the degree. Men say and do stupid things (most of which are utterly predictable,) while women do and say insane things (many of which are completely unpredictable) Those women who understand the truism of these counterpoints are the ones to keep around while those that don’t aren’t, especially the ones who believe very strongly in the first part, but disagree about the second.

    • Richard Nikoley on April 19, 2018 at 16:05

      Well, everyone can recoil at generalizations. Also, everyone can express how they individually see things themselves.

  2. Sue on April 19, 2018 at 23:19

    I am not sure how to take the comment by Martin, I would like clarification.

    • La Frite on April 20, 2018 at 02:28

      Well, if you don’t understand then you’re stupid, which makes you a man. If you aren’t a man, then he thinks you are insane.

      Does that help ?

      PS: I am just kidding of course, just talking tongue-in-cheek 😀

    • Martin Archer on April 20, 2018 at 08:14

      It’s a generalization, a joke, and perhaps a conversation starter. It’s meant like a “battle of the sexes” sexist joke to poke both sexes. As a man, I have to be aware that when it concerns women I may have the tendency to do or say something stupid.

  3. wallycat on April 21, 2018 at 08:49

    Real generalizations, no?!
    Kinsey did a study and created a “gradation scale” for homosexual tendencies. More men (if I recall that study correctly) were rated closer and more often, to the homosexual range. If men perceive women as being more-so in that range, it could be that that’s what they want to see. There’s nothing wrong with preferences if they don’t hurt anyone, but to make a blanket statement is…well…what’s the word used here…stupid? (LOL).

    Polyamorous is nature wide. Have you not seen the nature specials of birds (say swans, for example) that “mate for life” yet genetic detection will show offspring of some with not-said-father-swan? I could go on about ego and insecurity but suffice it to say, women are no exception to this.

    Everyone wants it all….but women are more tolerant to “put up” with things in order to survive. Things are changing now that women are “allowed” to work—and some are even “allowed” to earn equal salaries. How many women stay in bad marriages to provide for their kids? How many women tolerate harassment to keep their jobs? How many women look the other way on infidelity so as not to dissolve a marriage to keep the family together? How many women give up their careers to raise and care for their families? I could go on, but you get the point.

    • Martin Archer on April 21, 2018 at 12:21

      I don’t agree with your points about homosexual tendencies at all. Or that women are more tolerant. Most men will recoil in disgust at even the sight of a naked man, let alone getting near to one. 🙂 And sorry, but your points about women “putting up with” stuff sound like cliche rehashes of a male “feminist”

    • wallycat on April 21, 2018 at 13:38

      Cliches exist because they are so frequently seen.

    • Lara's Dad on April 27, 2018 at 21:17

      Martin must never have been in a high-school locker room —
      “Most men will recoil in disgust at even the sight of a naked man” — or he’s just suppressing his own gay tendencies.

      • Richard Nikoley on April 27, 2018 at 21:29

        Meh, cheap shot.

        We’ve all been in locker rooms and most of us take seeing other naked males a chore.

        “Gay tendencies.” Projecting, much?



  4. pzo on April 21, 2018 at 09:49

    #1 has been well studied, and the generalized bottom line is that woman are very prone to having “back up” relationships, less so for men. The research shows that women developed male friendships in the workplace without sexual intentions……………..until. And that woman were far more likely to have developed a backup relationship when the primary one is heading south than their men. Said backup man is “there” when she files for divorce. And we know that more women file for divorce than men. I wish I could give citations, but you’ll just have to believe I didn’t make this up, OK?

    #2, I recall a conversation with a new female acquaintance. I said that I guessed probably 80% of women are not adverse to having sex with another woman. She said, “More like 95%.” And no, we never went further.

    #3 is kind of hard to quantify, but overall, I agree. I find it’s mostly women who look for a Plan C, when A and B plans are undesirable. In other words, trying to avoid trade offs. Of course, I’ll admit that as a man I might not be so open to seeing the same in other men.

    • wallycat on April 21, 2018 at 13:45

      On point #2, I really think it depends on the demographic and not the sex of the person. I’m in the “more adverse” category; I’ve worked with men who I learned willingly initiated relations with other men (graphic arts dept.) (straight married asking known gay co-workers). Having never been in prison, someone would have to figure out how many men willingly partake in that scenario.

      Point #3…looking to find an ideal situation does not mean one isn’t “settling” …Some people have settle because they have fewer options (and that doesn’t mean they don’t want it all…men or women)

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